Life's a Journey

I've Moved!

2010-08-09T21:22:00.001-07:00

I have moved my blog to Wordpress, so look for me there! The new address is explorermarsh.wordpress.com.

Cambria Day Three

2010-07-06T16:04:00.000-07:00

More hiking. More beauty. More eating. More pictures. More wildlife. More laughing. We packed it in the last hours. We sang and prayed together. We checked out a beautiful Craftsman house where we might stay (for free) next year. Guess who wanted to go home when the time came? Not me! We took side streets home because the traffic was almost stopped from Goleta to the Rincon. Even that felt like an adventure. Now it's gray skies, summer school, up at 5:15 am and the to-do list. I'm so thankful for this restorative weekend with special friends.

Cambria Day Two

2010-07-04T18:07:00.000-07:00

We started the day with a leisurely breakfast and good conversation around hot drinks. Then we attended an outdoor church service that was very touching. Our friends the Drs. O'Donnell were treated like celebrities. They are famous experts in their field, not only France, but in the world, but to us, they are just Kelly and Michele. Good times of worship, prayer and communion. I don't normally take pictures at church, but this so special seeing our friends praying together and receiving a special blessing after communion that I couldn't resist capturing the moment.

When you have ten people, it's hard to get going in any direction, so after an hour and a half of preparation, we were out the door for our hike through the Harmony Headlands State Park. I was reminded how much I love being a California girl. The Central Coast scenery is spectacular. We enjoyed seeing sea otters play and float on their backs. Is there anything cuter than an otter?

It was fun melding multiple styles in the kitchen for dinner. The boys guarded the grill and produced slabs of charred animals. I enjoyed collaborating with other women in the kitchen making blueberry cobbler, beans, salad, bread, and more. We all eat the same--plenty of fruit and whole grains, and little fat and chemicals. It was great to get new ideas and see how other people cooked.

2010-07-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

We are in Cambria, but it feels like we are in Paradise. We are here with two other couples-dear friends of over thirty years. The setting is beautiful and the food is amazing. We spent the day hiking along the bluffs, walking around the charming town, eating, reading, drinking wine and talking. This morning we sat around with steaming cups of coffee and tea just talking and having a leisurely morning. We all have Italian names and pretend we are part of the Venucci family, the famous millionaire. Anduve played his guitar in the background, while they occasionally glanced at the Tour de France on TV. (A dog got loose and ran into the pack, injuring a rider.) Anuncia is cutting up fruit for lunch. The food is amazing--lots of healthy salads, fruit, and Sweet, Salty Nutty trail mix. DO NOT EAT Erin's cereal.

We laugh, remember, share stories that have become even better with each telling, and roast Vido. We all have different stresses on our lives, too, and these come out slowly. There are times when the tears well up because we realize how special these friendships are.

Happy Birthday Jim!

2010-06-05T20:39:00.000-07:00

Today we celebrated Jim's birthday at one of his favorite restaurants in Summerland. Matt and Brenna drove down from the Bay Area and since Kelly and Molly are both home now, the whole family was together. Jim is hard to buy for--do you see the theme in the presents he received (pictured above)? We laughed, talked and shared. Matt told us about how his coworkers give him bugs to fix and he fixes them. Brenna deals with crazy clients who want pictures of what their one-of-a kind custom jewelry will look like before the piece is made. Kelly showed her kindergarteners that even in a thick book like Pillars of the Earth there are many words on a page that they can read. They are so proud of themselves and I'm proud of her. Molly is amazing. She has such a heart for the Middle East and is excited about Lebanon preparations. We had multiple cups of coffee, and great food in a beautiful setting. I love these precious times.

Happy Mothers Day

2010-05-09T18:25:00.000-07:00

When the kids were little I loved Mother's Day because I was able to read and dink around the Internet all afternoon. I didn't have to make dinner. Now that Jim's been doing most of the cooking, EVERY Sunday is like Mother's Day. My kids make it easy to be proud of them most days, and I'm very thankful for each of them.

It's Off to Work We Go...

2010-04-30T21:28:00.000-07:00

Although my amazing teaching partner was absent today, I had a fun day at school with my crazy staff. Nancy emailed the names of all the students who had won the weekly raffle. (Students get tickets for completing classes, keeping a planner, and more, and five of them win (donated) $5 gift cards every Friday.) Today, all the winners were from one class. All five.

Wendy replied: Whoo hoo! In your face! Look whose students won this week!! Watch your back, the underdog is catching up...

Me: Something's rotten in Denmark.

Wendy: All is well in Denmark and the Queen is smiling.

Jean: For some reason, all of a sudden, I am wishing that this morning Mr. G. had brought not the usual Friday donuts, but instead, danish...

Mr. G: With all due respect, Jean, danish--or lack thereof--is not what's rotten here. I'm with [me] It's Novak's shameless, brazen co-opting of this whole Renaissance raffle process that has me more than a little concerned. I must say I'm not surprised by that brown nose Wendy. But I'm starting to worry if Nancy, Mrs. Office Manager, or Mrs. Counselor, are "involved" too.

Someone put a Danish flag outside Wendy's classroom.

Me: Room 2 has posted a Danish flag. It is an act of hostility indicating that the non-Room 2 students are not as worthy as the Room 2 students. "Though this be madness yet there is method in it."

Jean: "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." There may be a flag posted on Room 2, but that does not mean that Room 2 has posted a flag.

Louise: Be it known that I am swearing allegiance to the Queen. She is a little scary.

Kris: My roommate SWEARING? "Foul whisperings are abroad. Unnatural deeds do breed unnatural troubles." Alas!

(These quotes are all from Hamlet, which is set in Denmark, by the way.)

Mrs. Counselor: I hope it isn't the danish. I am still glad we have donuts today.

Ms. Principal (who has Fridays off, but keeps up on her iPhone): You guys are hilarious. I'm sad I'm not there today!

Wendy: We miss you. Feel free to throw in some zingers. I can take it.

Ms. Principal: I'm Switzerland.

Often the exchanges are full of puns and grammar corrections. Mr. G is an expert in hyphen use. They always demonstrate the camaraderie we have with each other, and the thirty seconds spent creating the email pays off in so many ways.

Here's one from the other day:

Me (after a round of hilarious emails that don't translate well if you don't know our in jokes): I think Mikey (Mr. G.) should copy us on all his emails to keep us laughing. Where does he get off hiding such talent?

Taz: Oh, believe me, he doesn't hide it. It just emerges from time to time and he can't help it.

Mr. G: Hey Taz, when you said “he can’t help it,” I think that was the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me (though, in fairness, you haven’t said many sweet things). But we like it that way.

I love our staff. We all get along, we collaborate well, and it makes us better teachers. We aren't competing with each other--we are giving each other laughs, ideas, help, and encouragement. I know this helps our students, too.

A Tad too Late for Earth Day

2010-04-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

Today was an agricultural day. In the wee morning hours Jim and I mixed peat moss, vermiculite and compost into potting soil.(And when I say "Jim and I" I mean mostly Jim.) The ground wriggled and squirmed, still moving because the compost was packed with red worms wondering why they had been dislodged from their bin. Then (and this is the easy part), we planted baby plants: lettuce, beans, three kinds of squash (butternut, crooked neck, and zucchini), green and red peppers, and tomatoes. Yum! The plants are so little and cute and the beds are all neat and tidy and weed and fungus free!

Then I went out to my family ranch where today they are picking avocados in preparation for Cinco de Mayo. It's so beautiful out there with the mountains, the flowers, and the rows of fruit trees. I loved seeing the big bins of fruit. This year the avocado trees are so heavy with fruit that Raul, who does most of the work on the land, had to put in many support boards in to keep the branches from dragging on the ground. Because there was so much fruit on every tree the avocados grew to only about 3/4 the size we normally see. Every farmer has a big crop, so the price will be really low. Great news for the consumer! Not so good for the rancher. My cousin, Bob, made me pick the avocados I brought home with me. The picking pole is about 15 feet long, and it takes a lot of strength and coordination to cut the fruit off. I wasn't even on a ladder and I was so terrible at it that Bob complained that he'd be broke if he had to depend on me to get the fruit off the trees! I, and my painful shoulders, felt a new sympathy for the men who were working in the groves.

When I say teasingly that I'm old, no one laughs anymore

2010-04-21T19:43:00.000-07:00

There are so many ways I feel old. I learned tonight that only old people use the Comic Sans font. Sigh. Now on top of everything else, I need a NEW favorite font. I'm going to go soak my bunions now.

Home

2010-04-12T20:23:00.001-07:00

I set the alarm for 3:30 because we had to leave for the airport at 4:10 am. We traveled all day and as we pulled into my town, my alarm clock startd beeping--it was 3:30 am in Copenhagen. We had spent exactly 24 hours traveling from Copenhagen home. I am happy and exhausted.

Copenhagen Day 2

2010-04-12T20:13:00.000-07:00

Today started with a sightseeing tour of the city, which included then colorful and quaint waterfront area, the changing of the guards, the intertwined dragon-tails spire of the stock exchange, and many beautiful buildings, many of red brick with copper spires. In the afternoon a small group of us set off for Kronborg Castle, the home of Hamlet. Because I've had too many times when people have taken advantage of me, I have become old and skeptical. (My family will remember a certain Chinese restaurant.) Today my Grinch heart was melted just a little. On the train to Helsingbǿord, we met Jack, a New Yorker who has lived in Copenhagen for 40 years. He offered to show us around. As the crowds turned right off the train, we turned left and discovered a darling and colorful medieval village that, as Jack put it "coined the word 'quaint'." The narrow cobblestone streets led to a beautiful, but hidden church, built in 1616, and then to a convent with a peaceful garden. Without Jack we would have hurried past not realizing these treasures existed. He led us down a dirt path to the castle and joined us on the tour. The castles was a fortress guarding thee sound between Sweden and Denmark, and had beautiful tapestries and a lovely old chapel. In the labyrinth of a dungeon was a huge statue of a sleeping giant. The legend is that as long as the giant sleeps there will be peace in Denmark. T hen Jack showed us his favorite pizza parlor, where we warmed up from the biting Nordic wind. Here Jack shared how lonely he felt. The independent Danes don't accept him, and the Americans come and go. He spends each day trying to find kind deeds to perform, but that he hasn't had such a wonderful day for a long time. He thanked us profusely for letting him be our guide. He took all the stress out of our day--translating, bargaining, asking for group rates, and finding the right trains. He made no profit off of us, but we brought him joy by allowing him to make our day brighter. There are still kind strangers in the world, and I am deeply encouraged.

Beautiful Beautiful Copenhagen

2010-04-12T20:06:00.001-07:00

We spent most of today getting to Copenhagen by bus and ferry. The ferry was amazing and the kids really liked it because of all the stores and places to eat on board. Then, In Copenhagen we took a walking tour of the city and then had a lot of free time. The buildings are beautiful. The famous little Mermaid statue is visiting China right now, but we still got to enjoy the Hans Christian Andersen statue. We went in a lot of little shops and walked along the pedestrian street. Had dinner at a Middle-Eastern restaurant. I loved it , but many people thought the food was strange.

Lübeck

2010-04-12T03:55:00.000-07:00

Weather.com had predicted rain on several days of our trip, but so far we've avoided it and had beautiful sunny days. It's rained at night, and it rained the whole time on our long bus ride today to Lübeck, Germany. It was great timing because we were warm and dry in our comfortable bus and spent much of the day sleeping. At our lunch stop on the autobahn we ate delicious German food including Apple Kuchen and Cherry Kuchen.

It was difficult to connect with my friends Hilli and Niels and their 2 year old son, Joschi, because neither of us knew the city. We're both on cell phones saying things like "I'm at this big round tower.." "Do you know where the big open square is?" "I'm looking at a McDonalds." until we found each other. We walked around the quaint medieval town with it's picturesque buildings and caught up with each others' lives. We had dinner at the little Hotel Trave. I fell in love with Joschi. He spoke German and I spoke English. We didn't understand a word each other spoke, but communicated quite well. Two year olds are very accepting of people who are different. I gave Joschi some books and he LOVED them. He made all these great delighted noises as I read him, and when I read King Bidgood's in the Bathtub, he imitated all the characters' facial expressions.

Lübeck is a darling medieval town in Germany with lots of history. The buildings are gorgeous! I'm a sucker for brick buildings because we can't really have them in California. I had a great time in this small town.

Amsterdam Day 2

2010-04-12T03:06:00.000-07:00

We are in Amsterdam now, and what stands out to me are the windmills and tulips and marijuana. The way each country uses its natural resources gives it character. In Ireland the farmers

cleared their fields of the many rocks, and then built fences out of them. In Amsterdam flooding is an issue so the Dutch have built dikes and canals, and use the water as fences to enclose their animals and delineate their property. It feels a lot like Venice to me. The canals are lined with daffodils and quaint bridges.
Sometimes my students don't want to get involved in politics, or even register to vote when they are 18. Young and old here are very interested in politics. Before the war, the Dutch left politics to their government. They learned that you couldn't always trust the government to do what's right.

We went to a working farm where they made cheese and clogs. It reminded me of my family's farms in Ireland--small, family operations on beautiful land. It took about 3 minutes to make a clog from a block of wood, and only a little longer to sell a large part of their inventory to us.

We saw the bustling flower market where they sell bulbs, and found some bargains at the flea market. We saw most of the artist's original paintings at the Van Gogh museum. Amazingly beautiful! At the museums many young people are standing in front of a painting getting the information about it from their iPhones. Only the old people are using the audio-tour headsets.

Anne Frank's house was quite sobering. She always believed she would escape and get to live a normal life again. The eerie details of their lives shut away are still there: the marks on the wall to measure the children's height, the flash cards Anne's sister used to study Latin by correspondence course, and the playbills on the wall of Anne's room of the performances she was missing.

The Red Light District was actually started by the church to keep the sailors concentrated in one area, and not let their sinful excesses corrupt the rest of the area. They put a huge church in the middle of the area in hopes some will find a more lasting comfort than the drugs and sex they are seeking. Marijuana isn't legal, but tolerated, and the coffee shops don't sell coffee. There is a huge crime element connected with the drug sales.

Then we took a cruise down the canals. The kids were tired and quiet until about halfway through the cruise when a passing boat of 5 young men mooned us. They were quite animated after that, and many said the cruise was the best part of the day.

Amsterdam Day 2

2010-04-07T15:42:00.000-07:00

A full day! We were gone from the hotel from 8 am to 11:30 pm. We saw a cheese and clog factory--My dad would have loved the beautiful woodworking tools for carving the clogs. It took about 3 minutes to make the unpainted shoes--and about an hour to sell a good share of cheese and clogs to the Americans. Also had a sightseeing tour of the city with a knowledgeable and funny local guide--an American with a masters in International Relations. At the Getty there are one or two Van Gogh paintings, but here we saw dozens--most of his famous ones-- at a museum that also had a visiting Gauguin exhibit. We took pictures and observed a windmill up close and personal. We also shopped at a flea market and the grocery store (always my favorite.) Do I know how to find the bargains, or what? The tour of Anne Frank's house was sobering. I had, of course, read her diary, but to actually see the pictures she had glued to the wall and hear the church bells she heard, and to see the lack of sunlight she endured for two years was heartbreaking. She and her sister kept up their studies, always believing the war would end and their family would return to normal life. They even kept track of their height on the wall. The pencil marks are still there. As if the day was not full enough yet, we took a river cruise through the canals, and walked through the Red Light district. Interesting that the church initiated concentrating all the brothels in one area. They wanted the sailors who came into the busy port to keep the sin in one area, rather than infecting the whole city. Now Amsterdam couldn't clean up this area because it brings in tourist dollars. The kids have been great. Annie was hospitalized last night, but is much better today after resting in the hotel and taking the medicines--that's been a little stressful. I am exhausted, but happy.

More Paris to Copenhagen

2010-04-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

We are in Amsterdam now, and what stands out to me are the windmills and tulips and marijuana. Some areas of the city smell like my college days. Pot is not legal, but it is TOLERATED. Amsterdam had such a bad drug problem in the '60's that they localized all the drug dealing to one part of the city, and looked the other way when it came to enforcing drug laws. A "coffee shop" here means that they sell recreational drugs. Cafes are where you buy lattes. The way each country uses its natural resources gives it character. In Ireland the farmers cleared their fields of the many rocks, and then built fences out of them. In Amsterdam flooding is an issue so the Dutch have built dikes and canals, and use the water as fences to enclose their animals and delineate their property. It feels a lot like Venice to me. The canals are lined with daffodils and quaint bridges.

Sometimes my students don't want to get involved in politics, or even register to vote when they are 18. People here are very interested in politics Before the war, the Dutch left politics to their govt. They learned that you couldn't always trust the government to do what's right

The internet connections aren't great, so I'll have to add pictures later!

Days 1-2 in Paris

2010-04-04T19:02:00.000-07:00

We left LA Saturday afternoon, and arrived tired and happy in Paris on Sunday afternoon. We immediately took the train into the city and started sightseeing. We are six of a group of about 40 people from California and Canada. We explored the area around Port Clichy, including the Moulin Rouge and had dinner at a nice restaurant. (The chocolate eclairs were delicious and I ate two of them.) The kids love the architecture and are taking a million pictures. When they put their cards into the ATM and euros came out it was like winning the Lottery. One of them commented about how French money was so much prettier than ours, and it is. If they learn that other countries and cultures have much to offer, and that the way America does it is not always the best, I will feel the trip is valuable. Meanwhile we are all having a great time. We are tired already and it's only Day 2, but also eager to see and do everything.

The Times They are a Changin'

2010-03-28T12:47:00.000-07:00

I like to embrace change. Change is good. But when the change happens in friendships, I find myself eating Cookies and Cream ice cream straight from the carton, followed by Toll House cookies by the handful. Some changes are not all good.

A couple that Jim and I would count as some of our closest friends is moving. Far away. We've been friends for 20 years. We've camped together, seen our kids grow up together, prayed together and laughed and cried together. Their middle child and our last child are close friends. And they are moving. Another layer to this is that he's my minister. He officiated at Matt and Brenna's wedding. If you don't go to church, you may not understand this part, but a minister has a huge impact on his congregates' lives He is the person who gives wise teaching, who is there to to pray, counsel, listen and care in every crisis, and a person who guides us to continually live at a higher, spiritual level. It sort of leaves a hole when ministers change jobs, because they aren't just a project manager or something. They're family. The move is good for them, and I believe they are making the right decision. They feel called by God, and since he is a minister, they should probably listen to that call. But I'm heartbroken because I'm self-centered, and I can't see how this will make MY life better.

My school staff is also family, and part of that family is changing, too. Our counselor has the nerve to be retiring!!! This wonderful lady does not consider her work to be only supporting the students, but also caring for the quirky, but lovable staff at my school. The counselor takes this part of the job seriously and does it well. Many, many times I've been in her office crying. She's listened to me, and given me good direction. She's just a good person to turn to for comfort. She has excellent ideas about how to handle different situations-both school-related and otherwise. She's been through so much herself that she speaks from experience. The kids and staff alike adore her because they know she cares. She makes us all better people. She's not moving away, but her house will be too far to walk to when I need comfort and counsel at school. I will miss her daily.

The last change is especially sad. Some friends of ours are having marriage issues. They are both great people. Amazing people. Loving, compassionate, caring, funny, spiritual people. They are both hurting, and there's little Jim and I can do but listen and hope for healing. When our friends hurt, we hurt, and it's no fun to see them like this. We love both of them. We are praying for a miracle.

Meanwhile I pray. And eat too much sugar. In setting my heart on the things above, I find comfort. It's not about me. Peace comes in waves as I adjust to the changes.

The Thirty Year Journey

2010-03-25T19:24:00.000-07:00

Jim and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary Monday. I took the day off school and we took a sentimental journey back to our roots. We walked around Isla Vista noting that the Bank of America, which was burned in the student riots in the 70s, was now an ATM, and the falafel stand,

the frozen yogurt place, the coffee place, the original Kinko's and every other sentimental building was gone. The woman at Starbuck's asked if we'd ever been to Isla Vista before, and we said that we'd fallen in love there 30 years ago. She said "Awww. It's so nice to know it's possible to find true love here." We walked on the beach, took in the view from the eighth floor of the library, and were amazed at how much it had changed. A few years after we got married we returned to campus and tried to fit in as if we were still students. Years after that we wondered if we looked like professors. Now we can't pass for either. We look like parents of students who had children late in life. I gave Jim a book I had made (a Snapfish photo book) and he cried. We had dinner at Enterprise Fish Company where we had shared so many meals when we were twenty-somethings, and really enjoyed being together. I'm so thankful for Jim, and for all the fun we've had together, and for what a great dad he is, and for how he's really been there for me in the hard times. I'm really glad I moved in next door to him in the summer of 1977. It's been an incredible journey.

Kelly Makes the Quarter Century Mark and Molly's Right Behnind

2010-03-21T14:21:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Molly's 20th birthday and Kelly's 25th birthday yesterday. Matt and Brenna came to party, too, and, as always I was happy to have all six of us together. I offered to take them out to dinner, but they wanted me to make something. Since we don't eat out (ever) I thought they would think it was special to eat out, but either to save our budget or because they really do like my cooking they wanted to eat at home. "What do you want? I'll make you anything." Molly wanted that famous special occasion birthday dinner tuna casserole. Tuna casserole?!!! (Although I do have a recipe from scratch--not made with canned soup--that I like, too.) I ended up making these Salmon/Pineapple/Green Pepper Shish Kabobs with Israeli couscous.

They originally wanted an ice cream cake, but Molly chose this delicious tart instead. (With Kelly's permission.) It's always so fun to hear their stories, see their thrift store purchases, and view the newest TED talk or Youtube video with them. They always find the most interesting entertainment on the web.

I already wrote about how proud I am of Molly, and Kelly is every bit as amazing. She makes me laugh, she brings home great kindergarten stories each day, she is living out her faith, she has good common sense ideas, and is a wonderful daughter. I'm so lucky.

Happy birthday to my special girls! May the Lord shower his best blessings on you this year.

Happy Birthday Molly

2010-03-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

I am no longer the parent of a teenager. Molly turned 20 today. She has grown up into an amazing person and I am so proud of her. She is compassionate, and cares about the world. She is smart and doing well at University. She has a lot of friends and is busy most nights. She is artistic and talented. And she is an incredibly wonderful daughter. I'm so lucky. Happy Birthday, Sweet Molly!

Put Another Candle on the Birthday Cake

2010-02-15T11:30:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles City Hall

Disney Concert Hall

On Super Bowl Sunday my family celebrated my birthday playing in downtown Los Angeles. I can be happy anywhere if I am with all the kids, but I love walking around big cities, taking in the buzz, the architecture, the culture, and the outdoor art. We were able to park on the street FOR FREE a block from the Disney Center as the city was deserted because of the Super Bowl and because it was Sunday morning. We toured the concert hall, which is such an amazing building. The unique architecture and engineering of the brushed titanium combined with the warmth of the interior with its hand-designed carpets, and wood makes this building a world treasure. The garden on the third story is an oasis of beauty.

Disney Concert Hall Third Story Garden

Matt, Brenna, Jim, Marsh, Molly, and Kelly in the Disney Concert Hall garden

We walked to the busy and colorful Grand Central market where I longed to buy the inexpensive fruits, but didn't want to carry them. We saw the Bradbury building with it's beautiful rod iron work.

Jim at the Bradbury Building

We saw the Central Library, climbed Bunker Hill steps (a recreation of the Spanish Steps in Rome), and certainly got our exercise! We had lunch at a fun restaurant in China Town. The food was delicious and the kids picked up the check. They claim they are grown ups now! Hooray. The whole city had been deserted until we got to China Town, where all the shops were packed with people because next weekend is Chinese New Year. The girls bought the traditional red envelopes used to give money as gifts. (There are traditions associated with this money: It should be given in an even-numbered amount, such as 1.68, not $1.67.) The amount should not have a four in it. For example, $4.00 would be an unlucky amount. Eights are good luck, so you could give $5.88.) Molly brought along a sweet friend. All of us got along and I really enjoyed being with them and hearing more about their lives, and laughing with them. It was a great birthday.

A Leisurely Saturday Morning

2010-01-16T17:10:00.000-08:00

Molly's been here since before Christmas and we've had great times as a family (minus Brenna and Matt), playing cards after dinner, or having leisurely breakfasts together, or just enjoying each other's stories of our days. She brought me a latte at work on Friday. I was excited yesterday because she decided to go back to school three days later than she planned. Usually the girls are eager to leave, so I was happy that she wanted to be with us. This morning I made cinnamon rolls (from scratch, not the tube), home-grown oranges and blueberry fruit salad, and eggs and we sat around drinking tea and coffee and talking and laughing. It's so fun to have adult children.

Chutes and Ladders

2009-12-28T18:49:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one who loved Chutes and Ladders growing up? It's a board game in which you you land on squares with ladders that advance you upward , or red slides that cause you to regress. I loved it because it had such a simple message: If you make good choices, you'll succeed. If you don't, you will have bad consequences. As it turns out, real life is not that simple. Two months ago I felt like I had landed on that square with the long red chute and the broken cookie jar at the end of it. So many events collided in my life to make me feel like I had been sent back to the beginning of the game. And I was sure I would never be able to catch up. This Christmas holiday I feel like I've landed on many positive "ladder" squares, and regained my joy and perspective. Great times of worship at church and meaningful insights from Scripture have brought me a greater understanding of the important things in life. Times with friends over breakfast and making gingerbread houses have been fun and brought me joy. Having the kids home has filled my heart with love and laughter. Sharing these great times and more with my great husband has made me fall in love again. Slowly, I'm climbing those little ladders and feeling like I'm in the game again.

Ho, Ho, Ho, and He, He, He

2009-12-24T14:17:00.000-08:00

I'm over the moon having the kids home. I have such great kids. We've had friends over for huge breakfasts, played Taboo, played Hand and Foot, made two million trips to Trader Joe's and just lazed around like slugs. Remember that obsessed with technology thing? Here they are playing 3 games of Scrabble--two each--with each other. There's a lot of laughter and moans, like when Matt got 102 for his triple-word points, double-letter points word. Who needs an inexpensive board game when you can spend hundreds of dollars on portable devices to access the Internet?

And a bit of trivia...Did you know that younger high school students use two thumbs when working a graphing calculator instead of an index finger?

I hope your holiday is going well.

From Our House to Yours, Happy Holidays

2009-12-22T08:54:00.000-08:00

My teaching partner, KW, and I invited all our students to my house to decorate gingerbread houses. The house was full of laughing, talking, eating, and having fun. I enjoyed being with my students in a casual atmosphere, hearing their stories and seeing them relate with each other. Their personalities shown through as they busied themselves on their task. One of my students who sort of marches to a different drummer, poured the whole bag of frosting on the house to make it look like the aftermath of a blizzard. I must remember to keep him away from explosives.

I have a student who excels at everything he does, and his house was no exception.

His sister didn't even start a house. It's impossible to fail at making a gingerbread house, but I'm wondering if her perfectionism kept her from the attempt. It's hard to follow greatness.

Although they had fun together in traditional ways, much of their relating was over technology. They texted each other, compared phone apps, shared pictures and played games together on their phones.

KW had everything cleaned up before the last kid was out the door. Of course. Doing anything with her makes it so much more fun.

Christmas Thoughts

2009-12-03T20:50:00.000-08:00

Our family is sort of obsessed with the Internet. We can be happy anywhere, as long as there's Internet. We all want to marry Google, and Kelly and I are somewhat bitter that our work doesn't let us use Google Chrome. So, when we started the very useful Christmas where we are only buying presents for each other that the other people could have justified buying for themselves, naturally we couldn't just keep it simple. We had to start our list on Google Wave. We have had no less than 15 emails in the last week setting it up. According to its website "Google Wave is an online tool for real-time communication and collaboration. A wave can be both a conversation and a document where people can discuss and work together using richly formatted text, photos, videos, maps, and more." We have all kinds of rules and directions. We've set up a "wave" for each person, and forbidden that person to look at their wave because it tells what items were purchased. We have a group wave where we add items. Matt said it well: "We are absolutely ridiculous." No other family could make this simple thing as complicated as we have, but it's been great fun for me. I love seeing the kids' emails pop into my inbox, and I love learning new technology.

All this lack of shopping gives me more time to concentrate on the spiritual aspects of the season. I have been particularly touched by a passage in Luke where Mary rejoices when she finds out she's pregnant. She could have said "Bummer", but she had faith the God knew what he was doing. During what is a difficult time for me, I am finding comfort praying the same truths she prayed: "My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior...for the Mighty One has done great things for me--holy is his name." Throughout my whole life, the only thing I could really count on was God's love and care for me. He's always been there in a very real way, comforting me through the hard times, and bringing me through. When I look back I can see His hand on my life. It's just hard to see when I am in it. That's where faith comes in. I know the adversity is rubbing off my rough edges, and making me a more unselfish person. I know I'll get to the other side and rejoice again. I trust Him because He's always been faithful.

Egg-stra Fun

2009-12-03T20:39:00.000-08:00

When I opened the refrigerator after work today, I found someone had made pictures on the hard-boiled eggs that I had made this morning. They were so cute. My husband is so funny. Both had little faces. The one with the nerdy face said "Death to omelettes. Save me Mr. Wiz..." The face with the cute glasses said "Celebrate Veganism. Let freedom hatch."

The Trip to San Diego

2009-11-26T19:18:00.000-08:00

I'm behind on posting, which did not go unnoticed by Molly. "You wrote about your trip to Brenna's but not to my house!" The lack of writing does not mean I didn't like my time in San Diego. In fact, it was REALLY fun. I hadn't ever seen Molly's house, although other people had told me it was amazing. It didn't disappoint: granite counter tops in the remodeled kitchen, a beautiful master shower with Italian tile and a waterfall, and lots of rooms and places to be. It definitely doesn't look like a house for college students. It has this great feel to it because of her sweet room mates. She's in a good place, in a nice neighborhood and she's thriving in so many areas of her life. I normally take the girls out to dinner at the Persian restaurant, and I was sad I didn't have the money to do that this time. I had a lot of fun preparing a shish kebab dinner with Molly after a trip to Henry's Farmers Market. Love Henry's. In the morning we went to my favorite coffee shop and drank lattes and had banana nut raspberry muffins before worshiping at her church. Now I can picture her life more when she talks about it.

On the way down I got to be with my adopted mom, Marney, who took me out to lunch in Dana Point where we talked and watched the activities in the harbor. She let me cry on her shoulder a little and we prayed in her car together. I feel so lucky to be her #10 child.

Two Loves: Math and Teenagers

2009-11-22T22:17:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite parts of my teaching job is helping high school students do math. I have a student who looks like a long-haired skateboarder who is imminently ready to drop out of school. When he first came he HATED school and often chose to ditch class at his old school. When we first met, he wouldn't make eye contact and grunted instead of speaking in sentences. Slowly he's grown to tolerate and then be successful at school. He's completing classes and earning As. Last week he struggled with Algebra 2, and said "I hate this problem. I know I can still pass the test even if I miss all the ones like this." I talked to him about how math is teaching him more than Algebra; it's meant to teach him perseverance. In other cultures students will persist through the hard problems until they get the answer, but generally American kids give up after five minutes. They don't have the perseverance. I showed him how to make the problem easier by getting rid of the fractions, and he went back to his desk. Ten minutes later he was at my desk again. "When am I ever going to need to solve a linear system of three variables in real life?" "In any job you get you will need problem-solving skills and persistence. Don't you think there are times when I want to give up teaching you stuff? We all need to learn perseverance. Besides you are at the bad part now. Stuck in the not-being-able-to-solve-it-yet part. If you stick it out you'll get to the good part where it feels great to get the right answer." He rolled his eyes and continued working on the problem and eventually got the right answer. "Doesn't it feel great to know you were smart enough to solve it?" "If you say so." The next day he earned an A on the test. He said happily "I am so stoked right now. Is this what you were talking about yesterday? I think I get it now." I have such a great job.

This and That

2009-11-13T17:39:00.000-08:00

We had fun at Brenna and Matt's cute little house last weekend.

The view from Matt and Brenna's house

They made us pumpkin pancakes and we went to church together. They are a darling couple, in my unbiased view.

Jim and Matt look cute together, too, with their technology always close at hand while they relate. (A Peters family trait.)

Jim and I planted a garden together, and didn't fight. If I save $70 on vegetables this winter, it will pay for the supplies and the plants. (But not the water and the time.) I decided that winter vegetable gardens are not nearly as much fun as summer vegetable gardens. I planted broccoli, cabbage, bok choy, lettuce, peas and onions.

The garden

Kelly said last night that she really likes her job and her students are sweet. She also tells us stories that make me want to ask her principal for a body guard and a pay raise for her. After she had taken her class to the library, the librarian sent her a bag of candy with a note that said "It's a wonder you're still sane." The librarian only has to have those kids once in awhile, while Kelly has to deal with them daily.

The best Christmases we've ever had, in my view, are the ones without presents. We went to NYC after 911 and spent money being tourists (which New York really needed at the time because people were afraid to go there) and bringing quilts to hurting families instead of buying gifts for each other. Very fun. Last Christmas we went to El Salvador as a family-and the trip was the present. I had brought Trader Joe's snacks to open or inexpensive little things. Brenna's face lit up when she opened the Peanut Butter Pretzels, and it was such a neat time of just being together and rejoicing in the simple pleasures of life. I don't like the materialism associated with this spiritual day. It's the opposite of what Jesus would have wanted. So Brenna made this brilliant suggestion: "What if we just bought each other things we'd buy anyways (or could probably justify buying anyways)? So, we'd make lists of Very Useful Things. We'll just keep running lists for the next month or so. Then we'll exchange lists and work on buying those things for each other. We'll be spending money we would have had to spend anyways, just on someone else." She would like "some granola, moleskin journals, an orchid for my kitchen, gardening gloves, cereal, baking supplies, etc." I think it's an amazing idea. We still get to open presents, but we don't ruin our bank accounts, and we don't hurt the environment, and we get to enjoy some simple pleasures. I am taking full credit for teaching her great values. The creativity is from Jim.

Paris Day Three

2009-11-01T06:41:00.001-08:00

When the kids were younger they listened to a song that included the line "Take fifty grand to Disneyland...It's better than that!" and that's so much the way I've felt on this trip. It's better than I can describe. I often can't believe I'm in Paris, and that I get to see all these amazing buildings, fill my soul with beautiful art, hear the musical language, eat French food, be surrounded by stylish women, and have amazing experiences with the one I love.

Today we climbed over 1000 stairs and walked miles from Notre Dame to the Arc de Triomphe and then to our hotel. We had seen the inside of Notre Dame yesterday, but the line stretched for hours to go up in the towers. That's the great thing about not having a schedule, and being here for several days--we could just go the next day earlier. The view was amazing, of course. I loved the comical gargoyles that lined the gallery.

Afterwards we just walked and walked--breathing it all in.

We had lunch at our little crepe place. They put about 2 cups of cheese on each crepe along with the amazing French ham...I could only eat half of it even though it was amazing. I will really miss the French cheese, and the crepes, and the croissants, and the pain au chocolat, and the...

Later we went to Montmatre, which used to be a village of quaint streets and painters working in the fresh air. Now it's a crowded mass of tourists, and the only artists one sees are making characatures to sell to foreigners. Even the courtyard at Sacre Coeur, the gigantic white church that is the second highest point in Paris, was packed with vendors. One could take a little tourist train around the area, watch the break dancing, or buy a fuzzy snake who did tricks. The blatant materialism on church grounds reminds me of that gospel story where Jesus wasn't too happy with people making profits in front of the temple. There's something wrong with people gouging each other for money over plastic replicas of monuments in the shadow of a holy place built out of sacrifice and faith. And I would say the same thing about a Buddhist temple or an Incan temple.

Every country has its scams, and France is no exception. In Thailand the scam was for the person in uniform to tell you that the _____ (palace, museum, temple) was closed. "So, sorry. But look, here's my friend he can take you to something better..." In Paris the scam comes straight from movie The Sting. Several times we observed a person leaning down to pick up a seemingly beautiful gold ring. "Did you lose this?" the person asked. When we replied we didn't, he would offer to give it to us. "It's a woman's ring." or "I'm divorced and can't use it. You take it." Then he would ask for money for a "baguette" or other food. If the mark gave him a little money, the con artist would say "Ah, so little? I gave you the ring!!" The ring looked expensive, but was actually a brass ring of little value. We couldn't help laughing when someone would stoop in front of us after the third time it happened. Most would indicate "Shh. Don't tell!" when we did this.

Tomorrow we fly home. Our legs are sore, but our hearts are happy.

Paris Day Two

2009-11-01T05:46:00.000-08:00

We slept late (HATE those blackout curtains-I always end up sleeping too long ang get weird dreams), and then headed for the daily trip to Starbucks.

Toured the beautiful Notre Dame Cathedral. I can't explain how amazing it is in this small space, but it's beyond beautiful. No pictures do it justice.

Behind the cathedral is a small monument to the deportees from France during the Holocaust: the Jews, the Gypsies, the handicapped, the "sociopaths", and the mentally ill. I can imagine their terror as they passed through the narrow passageways having been torn from their homes and friends. As the words on the exit say "Forgive, but never forget."

We didn't have a big list of things we had to see, and sort of rambled through neighborhoods. In our wanderings we passed a great used book store (Shakespeare and Company), but Jim loves me so much he didn't make me sit there two hours while he drooled over books. Instead, we finished touring, then separated. He went back to the bookstore and I searched for Internet.

We waited in a long line to see Sainte Chappelle. This church is always described as a "medieval jewel box", and was uncrowded when we were here last, but I guess the Da Vinci Code was filmed there, and now we all have to wait an hour in line so some people can look for code on the floor. Whatever. Inside, 15 fifty-foot high stained glass windows portray over 1000 scenes from the Bible. The devout of the Middle Ages called it "a gateway to heaven", and for good reason.

Had a leisurely, late lunch at a cute sidewalk cafe.

I returned back to our hotel neighborhood in search of free internet. The hotel wanted to charge us $30 a day for Internet, which is just criminal. Hate these American business-people/rich tourist hotels. I had asked someone in our travels if the libraries had free internet, which they do. The concierge in the hotel had no idea where a library would be, and spent 20 minutes calling and trying to find out. Finally he found one closeby, called and found they had free Internet, so I set off happily with my computer. What a disappointment! The library was the size of our family room, and I think we own more books personally than this library had, and the wi-fi was only for the people who lived in the area. Rats. Back to the Internet cafe. (I so hate being on a timer and it's so slow that you have to type and then 30 seconds later the words appear on the screen. Gah!)

Paris Day One

2009-11-01T05:07:00.000-08:00

It was exciting to take the Eurostar train from London to Paris because the train was beautiful and new and fast. My ears popped as we descended into the Chunnel. It was dark for less than a half an hour and then we emerged in France! The total trip is only 2 hours. After we got off the train, I felt like I'd really accomplished something when I figured out the route, bought tickets, and navigated the Metro with our suitcases in tow. We walked the few blocks to the hotel, and saved a ton of money on a taxi. I love taking public transportation because I like the challenge, and I like how it connects me closer to what's going on with the people who live there. The hotel is beautiful, and the room is huge by European standards. It's fun to have the luxury, but the trade-off is that no one in the hotel (employees and guests) uses French. I have to leave the hotel to know I'm in a foreign country. They did allow us to carry our own bags to the room. I always feel weird paying someone to do something I can easily do myself.

This is the view from our room:

The boat tours down the Seine that we went on today are extremely touristy, but also something that local Parisians do. It really is beautiful and romantic to see all the Paris monuments from

the river. I felt like I was visiting old friends as the Louvre, the Orsay, and the Samartaine Department store (among other familiar places), came into view.

The Louvre:

Notre Dame:

The bridges are so beautiful:

Le Concergerie

Afterwards we tried to find my favorite restaurant in Paris-a little crepe stand that makes the most delicious crepes I've had anywhere. We were amazed first of all, that we could find it, and secondly that it was actually still there! The same green bench was still in front of it where we have pictures of the girls eating crepes in 2004. And the crepes were just as yummy as I remembered.

Jim at crepe place in 2009:

Jim and girls at crepe place 2004:

Marsh eating a crepe 2009:

Marsh eating a crepe from the same place 2004:

Girls at crepe place 2004 (same bench, same tree.)

We walked for miles taking in the sights, hardly believing that we are actually here. I feel so lucky to be able to be on this trip and see this amazing city, and be with Jim having fabulous adventures together.

A Day in Oxford

2009-10-28T12:27:00.000-07:00

Jim, Kitty, Steve

Oxford is an architecture student's paradise.

We spent the day in Oxford with our friends Steve and Kitty. We've known them for over thirty years and Steve was in our wedding, so you know how special the friendship is. They've lived all over the world, are full of puns, and have made a huge difference in the world, having lived all over it.

We visited the Eagle and Child pub where the Inklings (C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkein, and Charles Williams) used to hang out and share their stories with each other. We had lunch at a local favorite that one finds only by going through a narrow, nondescript alley, down a passageway and left at the first door. (You have to know how to get there to go there...Keeps out the riffraff.) Both the food and the company were amazing.

Next was a visit to Blackwell's bookstore, which boasts acres of shelving in its many stories. If you can't find your book at Blackwell's, you should give up. Jim bemoaned the fact that we only spent two hours there. I had wanted a Starbucks mug from Oxford to go with my one from Antalya, but they didn't have any. So Steve gave me his Penang one...a new treasured possession. (A Malaysian mug acquired in the U.K. from an American.)

Later had tea and scones with clotted cream back at our friends' home, and I developed a whole new list of great books to read from their recommendations. Quite fun.

More Wanderings through London

2009-10-26T12:04:00.000-07:00

We take the Tube a lot and this is one of the most beautiful stations: St. Pancras.

View from St. Paul's Cathedral

We had a long, busy, tiring, fun day. We started off at the British Library where we saw beautiful illuminated manuscripts, including the Gutenberg Bible. Also, we saw the Magna Carta. Then we climbed the almost 500 stairs of St. Paul's Cathedral to take in the beautiful view from there. When we got to the top of the dome, a sign said "whisper gallery". and I thought "In other languages they would say something like "Be quiet in the church", and I appreciated the positive command. But I was wrong. When we got inside, there were all these seemingly insane people talking to the wall. Turns out the acoustics are so good that one person can hear another person who is whispering from across the room.

We needed refreshment after that!

Then to Oxford Street, which is a main shopping area, and Jim and Rob bought shoes at the Clark's sale.

The British Museum

Next we visited the British Museum where Mike gave us a "highlights" tour. We saw the stolen Elgin Marbles, and the Rosetta Stone among other items. Afterwards we went to The Plough (isn't that such a stereotypical British Pub name?) Unfortunately, they made tea like Americans--a cup of hot water served with a teabag on the side. They didn't even have milk to put in it--rather it was a product that the label said "Tastes just like milk" and one of the ingredients was "non-dairy fat." Bleah.

Rob likes to play a game called "Guess what happened here in 1945?" There will be a block of Edwardian or Victorian homes and right in the middle will be a more modern building, because that building was bombed in the war and rebuilt.

Mike and played "What's the one place you wouldn't want to travel to?" because that list is really small. He's been to ten more countries than I have and it's so fun to hear about places I haven't been (Syria, Jordan, Monaco, among others.) Both Mike and Rob are interesting, well-read, articulate people. Mike finally said the country he wouldn't want to visit was Uganda. Then I said "Sudan." But probably now I'll meet someone who will tell me something amazing to see in Sudan and I'll want to go there. Mike said that some of his friends have arranged their travel plans just to go to a place he hasn't been.

Cheerio from London!

2009-10-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

Mike and Rob's neighborhood

We've never been to London in the Fall and it's so PRETTY!

The London Eye as background to the Thames River

I love the different types of architecture.

St. Paul's Cathedral is in the center of this view.

We're here in London! We had frequent flier miles and hotel points burning a hole in our pockets and a so when our nephew said “Stay with us, and you could be sipping coffee in Paris in four hours from our doorstep,” how could we resist? This is the nephew whom the girls fondly refer to as "Cousin-uncle Mike" because he is almost 20 years older than they are, and we've always had great fun when we are with him.

Jim says he’s feeling like Alexander (of the No Good, Terrible, Very Bad Day fame) because he lost his glasses before we left this morning. Then, he forgot the fabulous lunch I made for him. (This made ME sad because not only did I go to all the trouble for nothing, we also had to stop and pay for a new lunch on the way to the airport.) On the plane, he lost his ear buds. I offered to let him share mine for the movie, but he said he’d rather wallow in his misery. On the way off the plane, he grabbed some out of first class, but then lost THOSE. For the record, the ear buds that we bought for 99 cents in our town cost $20 at the O’Hare airport.

We made it to our nephew and his partner's house in London almost uneventfully, and are tired but enjoying the sights already. We love Mike and Rob. We saw the Imperial War Museum where Churchill had his underground headquarters during WWII, and then toured the Tate Modern Art Museum. What I liked best was just walking around London, coming across Big Ben when we turned the corner, seeing the great Old World architecture, and even the great names (Piccadilly Circus, Kensington Gardens, and Elephant and Castle—aren’t those just the COOLEST tube stop names?) Since Mike and Rob live here, we're able to walk around without a map, and Jim and I have nothing to fight over because we aren't lost!

When You are Engulfed by Family

2009-10-17T09:52:00.001-07:00

I have no news of my own. This week I'm living vicariously through my children and friends. But they are interesting and amazing. Brenna and Matt are home this weekend for an event that is happening in my town. Brenna was leading a small group of four girls from her university and she mentioned she was married. One said "So, you're like a grown-up?" Yes. She is. She came home and made dinner for Kelly, Matt and me last night. Matt entertained us in many ways, including having his computer talk to us in an audible voice. He set the computer on the coffee table and Matt typed on his Ipod from across the room, having the computer tell us to feed it chocolate, and responding to our conversation as if it were a real person. Maybe you had to be there but it was hilarious. It's fun having a boy in the family.

Molly sent me a sweet, long text in response to a care package I sent, which means she might get another one sometime. I always find it weird that the girls could go out and buy these same items themselves--they have money for food--but me sending the same items is fun and special for them. It's the element of surprise. "Look! Crackers!"

Meanwhile Kelly survived the week and provided the most interesting stories. She gave all her kindergarteners Post-its and had them find something in the room that started with "L". Sweet Linda had one on her. Kelly had fun activities like a math obstacle course that the kids who made good choices got to play. The others traced their numbers. Or rather, were supposed to trace numbers, but some chose to scribble out the numbers and when they were relegated to the rug, they rolled around and screamed. During the song where the children learned to spell "brown" Shawna said "I'm brown." This led to a discussion of "I'm not brown." And "I'm pink." Very cute. It's terrible what we do to new teachers. I'm wondering how an inexperienced person would deal with her very challenging kids. They speak like sailors, pants each other, expose themselves purposely, kick, spit, hit, and are defiant. Yes. Kindergarten. She has evening meetings several nights a week and doesn't get home until 8 p.m. She's very creative and amazing and is earning the respect of her fellow educators by doing a great job in the midst of a difficult situation.

In Ireland Post Cards are a Summer Item

2009-10-04T15:28:00.000-07:00

I'm still pondering my used clothes purchases from yesterday, and something that Di said sticks in my mind. A staple of my wardrobe are Chinos or Khakis. Beige is easy to match with the bright colors I like to wear. Yesterday I said I was looking for a pair of khaki pants. She was very polite in telling me in a roundabout way that Khakis are really spring pants. Wait, there are spring pants?!? I get it that shorts or crop pants are for warmer weather, because you may feel cold in shorts in fifty degree weather, but the COLOR matters??? It cracks me up how you can't buy a sand pail and shovel in January because they are "summer items" even though children play in sand at parks year round here. I grew up in an area where most of my friends had servants and chauffeurs. One of my friends had a live-in seamstress. Only the outcasts wore the same clothes twice. That would be me. I was an outcast. By high school I had decided that the whole society world was shallow and meaningless. To let designers in New York decide what I should wear seemed silly, as did the idea of wearing painful shoes because they looked great. In college I found friends who had more of a world perspective and thought like I did, and clothes mattered little. Then I entered adulthood and realized that people really do judge you by how you look. Sometimes it's important to look nice. However, because I had checked out of the fashion world and mocked it, I never learned the rules of the game. And I walk around wondering if I'm I'm committing some fashion faux pas without realizing it. Have people been talking behind my back that I would wear khaki pants in FALL?! Horrors. Part of me is blowing those people a big raspberry because the rules seem senseless and arbitrary, and part of me wants to be their best friend so they can tell me the secret rules of wearing clothes, that only the cool people know.

Almost Ready for the Runway

2009-10-03T20:16:00.000-07:00

I've been a proponent of "reusables" rather than disposables for a long time. My girls saved the napkins from preschool snack because they didn't have paper napkins at home. When they could pick any item of Jim's aunt's estate they picked the goose paper towels-another item not found at our house. (They were under five years old.) Lately I've started buying all my clothes used, and today was typical of the fun I've been having. At a local consignment shop a woman with an amazing fashion talent encourages me to bring in the clothes I wear, and she mixes and matches some clothes from the store with my own.

Di making outfits out of my own clothes

She knows my tastes, and my aversion to dry cleaning, and she also gets me to think outside my comfort zone and try new styles. Sometimes she takes only my own clothes and puts together outfits in ways I could never have imagined myself. It's fun to see her combinations. I'm just not the creative type, and my fashion sense is about as great as most adult's algebra sense, so I really appreciate her help. The clothes I bought today were clothes I would never pay full price for- DKNY, Chicco's, and Banana Republic brands. I also found a heart necklace I love. I own necklaces the way Imelda Marcos owned shoes, but I really wear all of the ones I buy. Yesterday I looked at my closet full of clothes and felt like I had nothing to wear. Now, with very little money invested, I have a wardrobe of fun, comfortable, practical clothes. Thanks, Di!

New clothes

The Perils of Posting

2009-09-27T18:20:00.000-07:00

I started this blog during a very rough patch in my life. My dog died, my brother died, and then my mom died--all within weeks of each other. Then every appliance in my home died. Well, maybe not every, but it seemed like it at the time. We had a flooded kitchen, dirty dishes, dirty laundry, fish eggs in our pipes, and other disasters for a long time. Then I suffered through some medical issues. The blog enabled me to pour out my feelings to my friends without burdening them. I could write at my leisure and they could check in at their leisure, and I didn't feel like I was imposing on them. Friends followed the story, and sent me encouraging emails and called me, and I felt loved and supported through a hard time. The blog gave me a way to share different trips I've taken with just the people who care. I didn't have to feel like I was one of those people who showed all 1000 slides of their trip to the Grand Canyon. Friends could read it or not. So, the blog has become special to me as I've written about the highs and lows of my life. It's made me feel less alone. But I'm conflicted, too, because it's hard to know how much to write. Brenna has given me good advice to "Write as if the worst person who could possibly see it was reading it." I write very cautiously: I don't state where I live, I don't give revealing details, and I don't use (real) last names. My nephew, whose job involves (in part) searching for blogs, couldn't find mine. If I write about someone, I let that person preview it and make suggestions for 24 hours before I publish. But no matter how cautiously I write, I still manage to bother people around me, who think I've told the story wrong, or that what I've written may come back to haunt me, or that it's not my story to tell. Julia and Finslippy, two writers whom I admire, write lovingly and openly about their families. Do the people around them give advice and tell them what they should and shouldn't write? Did Erma Bombeck's family criticize her each week after her column came out? I try to write in a kind way that will be uplifting to the subject of the post, but often it's not the person whom I'm writing about that is upset about how I've written a post. If Child A does something that I'm happy about, and I write about it, I will ask Child A before I post it. But usually it's Friend B that objects to the post, even though she has no relation to the story except she also knows Child A. Does that make any sense? My choices are to stop writing it, to keep writing it and make all the suggested changes to keep the peace, or to keep writing it and ignore the critics. Julia calls her blog her best friend. Although mine isn't my BEST friend, it is like a friend, and therefore is very difficult to just drop.

An Update on Kelly

2009-09-20T15:15:00.000-07:00

The wedding isn't the only exciting event of the past week. While talking casually to my friend, the superintendent, she told me that they have many more kindergarten students than expected because in this economy people wanted to try the public school rather than start their children in private schools. I asked "Are you going to hire more teachers?" "Yes! Who do you know?" "Kelly." (Kelly has been looking for a teaching job for over a year.) "Tell her to stop whatever she's doing and fill out an application!" So I called Kelly, and she interviewed for the position on the Thursday before the wedding. She found out Thursday at 4 pm that she got the job, and it started three days later. She couldn't do much over the weekend because of the wedding and because she didn't have any supplies. On the Monday she earned the staff's admiration when they found out she could do Power Point. Normally setting up a classroom, even if you are an experienced teacher takes a few weeks, and there's a lot to think through and decide. Kelly had two days. And on the first day, Monday, she found out "By the way...Thursday's Open House." Of course it was. I would have dissolved in tears, but Kelly took everything in stride. She's going to be a great teacher. She has a group that can't walk in line quietly to save their lives, and didn't even notice when Kelly loudly announced "I'm giving Linda a sticker because she's sitting quietly on the rug." It's fun to hear Kelly's ideas and see the little projects she makes for them. I can't tell you how exciting it is for me to have my daughter teaching in the same district as me. She will move back home until she gets over the shock that she doesn't live in San Diego any more and finds a good living situation here. She's sad to leave San Diego, but would rather have a job and live here than have no job and live there. It's fun having her home. That empty nest thing that I was grieving about when Molly left over a year ago? Perhaps I shouldn't have been so sad. Between my dad, Brenna, and now Kelly, there haven't been too many days when the guest bedroom is empty. Life is good.

The Wedding Day

2009-09-16T17:52:00.000-07:00

The wedding was held on a ranch owned by my family. My great-grandfather came from Ireland and bought the property before the turn of the century, and my grandmother was married here, too. It's planted with beautiful avocado trees.

Brenna wanted a wedding that was simple and elegant. It felt relaxed and fun--not formal.

This is a good shot of the bouquet. The flowers were amazing.

They got to play on the farm equipment after the ceremony.

There are few times in life when there is pure joy without any pain. For instance, having a baby is such an amazing experience and getting to meet your child is beyond wonderful, but it is tempered a little teeny bit by the fact that your body is thrashed from giving birth. Brenna's wedding was pure joy without any pain. The day could not have been happier for me. I love Matt and Brenna and was thrilled to see them commit to spend the rest of their lives together. Both Friday and Saturday were like getting to attend a wonderful party with my dearest friends. Brenna's entourage (Blaine, and her El Salvador team, and her sisters) worked and played hard starting early Friday morning. Blaine made a wonderful breakfast. The bridal party went out for pedicures. Lunch at home. Set up at the ranch. Then the rehearsal. Pastor Paul ran through the ceremony, and then had us gather in a circle to speak words of blessing on Matt and Brenna. This was a special time. Dinner was at Tipp's Thai where we forgot the pre-wedding diet and had Tempura, Pad Pak Beef, egg rolls, and more. Then we had dessert at our house with the wedding party and all of our special out-of-town friends and relatives. I love having the house full and people eating, so I was in heaven with the laughter and the young people and the great conversations with good friends. We heard more about the "Eat more vegetables and eat more pie" diet, as we scarfed apple crisp, carrot cake, lemon snow freeze pie, and turtles.

On the big day we got our hair done and went to the ranch for pictures. Brenna's friends were busy setting up the tables, and snacks, sound system, and doing their various jobs. Her friends were so wonderful and helpful and amazing--each one had a role and carried it out superbly. My dear friend Kris did the flowers and they turned out more beautiful than anything we could have hoped for or imagined. Brenna's bouquet was lemon branches, roses, mini-calla lilies and bells-of- Ireland in a simple, but elegant arrangement. One of my friends commented "My daughter solved her wedding needs by writing checks, but Brenna did it by involving her friends. Brenna's way makes the friendships deeper by having her friends participate in giving on the special day." Kris worked many hours, staying up most of the night to do the flowers. Then she thanked us profusely for letting her do so!

The band, Men on the Moon, was amazing!! These men were also good friends of ours, and their enthusiasm for playing music together overflowed into the crowd. At one point the tables were empty as people from age 5 to 86 filled the dance floor.

The food was delicious. I think back to how the owner of Ali Baba restaurant promised "I make all your dreams come true!" He came very, very close. He certainly made my wedding meal dreams come true. When I went to pay the server at the wedding he said "No, it's Ramadan, and I can't take any money. Everything I do must be in service to God." So I laughed with him, and then said "That's great. Now, how much do I owe you?" "No, it's Ramadan..." and he wouldn't take any money. The next day I told the owner what Mike had said and there was dead silence on the phone for a long time. Then he laughed, too. "I guess Mike bought your dinner!" Of course, we didn't get out of paying the bill, but it was funny.

We danced and talked late into the night. It certainly felt like we stayed until the wee hours of the morning cleaning up, but the girls say it was only 10 pm. I was and am sooo exhausted from the emotion of the day and the work. Seeing months of planning and decisions come together to create a dream come true--two people become one--has filled me with tremendous joy.

Packing in the Playing Before a New School Year

2009-08-21T19:38:00.000-07:00

The day after we came home from LA we went to San Francisco to play. We stayed with our friends Ask Rick and Diane. (Note our new SF sweatshirts: warm and cuddly fleece--and a deal at $11.99!)

We took the train into the city from their house in Palo Alto.

We had a fun lunch and great talks with Jim's sister and her new and wonderful husband at the SF Museum of Modern Art. (They were married in July.) And they got us into the amazing Georgia O'Keefe and Ansel Adams exhibit for free!! How cool is that?

Jim Jessica and Richard

The San Francisco Museum of Modern Art

We played in a fountain. (Notice I am taking this picture from BEHIND the waterfall.)

We ate at a Burmese restaurant where I had the BEST fried bananas I have ever eaten outside of Thailand. (So within five days I got to eat Chinese, Italian, Japanese, Middle Eastern, and Burmese food. I was in gastronomic heaven.)

I love San Francisco, and to spend a few days with dear friends and family filled my soul before I started school.

Playing in Los Angeles

2009-08-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

Jim was teaching in LA a couple of weeks ago, so we stayed in a Bed and Breakfast and I played tourist while he worked. I really had a good time. I had no fear about getting lost or riding the public transportation. After all, people in LA speak ENGLISH!! How hard could it be, right? I asked the B&B owner if the bus drivers were helpful. She said "No, but if you tell them you're hard of hearing, they'll speak more clearly." (Some were nice and funny. Others, not so much.) We had dinner in Chinatown, where the owner sat down with us and shared his 30-year scrapbook of celebrities who had visited his restaurant. We also ate a a yummy Mediterranean restaurant called Splitz. :- P

I visited the LA Cathedral, which looked like a jail from the outside. It was difficult to find the one (guarded) entrance, and the entrance to the sanctuary felt like you were walking into a dark cave. The Disney Concert Hall was much more inviting. (Shouldn't the church be even more user- friendly than other buildings??) It is gorgeous inside with beautiful tapestries, gardens, and art.

This is the Disney Concert Hall and I highly recommend the self-guided (free) tour. The building looks weird from the outside- space-age architecture. Inside it's warm and inviting and full of light.

This is the garden at the Walt Disney Concert Hall. It's on the third floor so the trees are actually planted in large boxes with complicated irrigation systems.

I really felt like I was in some foreign city looking at beautiful landmarks! I was surrounded by cool architecture and great art. Everywhere I walked there were sculptures, murals, fountains and beautiful walkways. Below is a picture of the Bunker Hill Steps--a recreation of the Spanish Steps in Rome.

I bought a Bento box in Little Tokyo, and visited Grand Central Market. I spent some time reading inside the beautiful Central Library pictured below.

The library has fountains, sculptures, and beauty inside and out. Below are the chandeliers in the Bradley wing.

I found the city to be walkable, friendly and safe. When I saw this sign I immediately wanted to go to all these cool cities. (Click to make it larger if you want.) Giza and Split and Pusan. Cool-sounding names.

I made some great discoveries in my own back yard. LA is much more beautiful than I remembered and I enjoyed this mini vacation a lot.

Why Can't I be at Least as Smart as Sheep?

2009-06-25T06:21:00.001-07:00

I have a Bible with wide margins and I always write a lot right in the book as I'm studying. As I came to Psalm 23 today, I read my notes there from over a year ago. The Psalm says "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." This means, that, in the same way a shepherd provides for the sheep's needs, God gives me everything I need. Beside the passage I wrote: "I know that God is my provider, but with [one child's] $7000 dental bills, and Brenna needing $36.000 for El Salvador (not from us, but still a concern for me at that time), and Jim's lack of work in the worst economic times ever, I feel pressing financial needs. I know God is faithful and has seen us through before. Please help me in my unbelief that God can rescue us even out of this." I wrote this when the sub-prime mortgage crisis hit last year, and huge insurance companies and banks were failing. It was a scary time, and still is in some ways. No one knew what would happen, and everyone predicted doom. I look back a year later. The dental bills are paid. Brenna had more than enough money for El Salvador, and was able to give some to a team member. She will be home next week after an amazing year. Jim has work, which is truly miraculous in these times. Now I have new financial pressures: the wedding, the termites, Molly's tuition, future retirement, and more. I know I will always have more bills than money, but God is the good shepherd and he has promised to give me what I need.

A Tale of too Much Vinegar

2009-06-24T20:09:00.000-07:00

This is one of the first summers that I have spent in the USA and I'm loving the free time I have. I have read a lot, walked, cleaned off my desk, and I am working through my long list of errands. Tonight I thought I would look for a fun recipe to cook. At the Cooking Light website I clicked on "Our Best Pork Tenderloin Recipe." I do so much stir fry and pasta that I just needed a switch, and I don't cook a lot of pork, so it sounded great. I had to laugh out loud when I saw the recipe, because I have 9 small bottles of vinegar and 1 gallon size bottle of white vinegar. I have Rice Vinegar, Red Wine Vinegar (three different brands), White Wine Vinegar,Balsamic Vinegar, Apple Cider Vinegar and Raspberry Vinegar. This recipe calls for Sherry Vinegar. Of course it does. It would be too easy to use ingredients I already have on hand. Perhaps I'll just go eat some chocolate and drink another cup of tea and forget the whole thing! I hope you are enjoying summer, too.

Spelling is Important

2009-06-17T16:40:00.000-07:00

I'm teaching summer school this year instead of helping people in some land where they don't speak English like I usually get to do. But so far I'm loving the summer. I still have to get up early and pack a lunch, but I'm done at noon. Then I can laze around reading books and napping without feeling guilty. I worked today! I deserve to eat ice cream and read blogs! I enjoy my teenage students, too. Most of them are new to my school, and I'm enjoying get to know these (mostly) incredible kids. They want to finish a summer class so they can have a free period in their schedule for orchestra, a language, student government or some other noble cause. They make me laugh. Today a student turned in an essay about a trip to Hawaii. She wrote "I was so disappointed because I didn't get laid at the airport the way they always do in the movies or on TV." I explained to her the importance of spelling and how I think she meant "They didn't put a lei around my neck..." At least I hope that's what she meant!

Wedding Planning Blues

2009-05-16T14:57:00.000-07:00

Possible centerpiece courtesy of KW--made from garden flowers and mason jars she owns

I couldn't be happier that Brenna and Matt are going to be married and live together forever. I'm happy I have a daughter who hates the excesses of the wedding industry as much as I do. But I am finding that planning a wedding is often frustrating. There are disappointments when the caterer we've grown to love in negotiations isn't an option, or when I found out how much photographers cost. We have to go down quite a few dead ends to find what's really going to work well. Brenna's made so many wise decisions: her dress is being made in El Salvador, and is beautiful. A friend is drawing her invitations. We remembered we know people who have a fun band, and they are willing to play at the reception. The venue is at our family ranch, a place filled with history and meaning. Matt's friend is the photographer. Paul Dugan, the pastor performing the ceremony thinks Brenna and Matt are amazing, and their marriage mentors, the Tapias are going to be great role models.

But there are trying times. I have spent hours and hours trying to find a dress to wear. I finally told the mother of the groom to go ahead and buy hers, because this might take awhile, and she shouldn't have to wait. It's fun to shop for a new dress for about a half an hour. Then the novelty wears off.

My heart hurts when Brenna experiences a new disappointment. None of us want our children unhappy. I've taught my girls to reach for their dreams, but sometimes dreams need to be downgraded or delayed. And that's painful. What she wants is reasonable: a beautiful setting, good food (not from a chain restaurant), dancing, and good pictures to remember it by. Some days I want to throw money at her so she can have everything she wants. Other days I'm outraged that the wedding costs more than a new well with clean water would cost for a whole village.

Most of the time Brenna and I are on the same page. My hope is that I can learn quickly how to be a great support to her, even though I lack ability at both planning parties and at spending money. As long as we're closer after this process than before, I'm happy. Regardless of how the wedding turns out, the marriage promises to be a beautiful one.

Mother's Day

2009-05-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day was a week ago, and although I'm not a busy mom with three preschool kids anymore, I still haven't had time to write until now! Although it was sad not having my own mom and dad to celebrate with us I had a really good day. Molly came home on the train and I loved having her here. She and Jim fixed an amazing salmon dinner. It was especially impressive that they prepared it by themselves in less than 45 minutes! Kelly called and left a sweet message on my phone. Matt came by for tea. Brenna Skyped with us while he was here. It was almost like having her here with us as she could join in the conversation from the computer placed on a chair in the circle. Too bad she didn't get to eat any of the Pepperidge Farm cookies! I love having children who don't wake me up at night, don't spit up on me, and don't eat snails and cat food. Yes, ages 19-24 is a good stage. They are doing interesting things with their lives, they share good books they are reading and teach me new technical skills. I'm so proud of all four of them, and especially thankful for the additional child this year: a son!

Smart Aleck

2009-05-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

My car in front of our family's ranch house. My grandfather came from Ireland and settled here, buying the house out of the Sears catalogue.

My life has smoothed out and I am doing well. Now I have time to write a happier post.

Last November I bought a new car and it has been more fun than any car I've owned. And Lord knows I needed some fun! It's a Smart, named Aleck. I first fell in love with the Smart car when I saw them in Paris years ago. When they came to the USA in January 2008, I wanted one. They get high gas mileage, they are environmentally friendly, (even the paint they use doesn't pollute the air when they spray it, and the dashboard is made out of cornsilk), and they make it easy for even someone as uncoordinated as me to paralell park. When Jim asked if I was actually going to drive it on the freeway, I asked him if his Miata had a four star safety rating like the Smart. (Contrary to appearances, independent sources have rated it a very safe car.)

You can't be an introvert and drive this car. People smile, wave, point and laugh at me. Just the other day, a man in the SUV next to me motioned me to roll down my window, and told me "I feel like I know you because I see you several times a day every day. I love your car!"

Once, while I was in a drugstore, picking up a prescription, the pharmacist came over to me and said "You're that woman who drives the Smart car!" I wasn't even in my car, and he recognized me as if I were famous. It happened a different time in the supermarket line. The checker said "Are you the one who owns the Smart car?" After that I decided I better drive carefully and proficiently. People are watching me all the time.

People always ask me "How many miles to the gallon does it get?" (40) or "How much did it cost?" ($13,000) or "Can you drive it on the freeway?" (It's probably safer to drive on the freeway than that car you're driving.)

I like driving a car that makes people's faces light up when they see it. But what I like best about it: It's impossible to lock your keys in the car.

In Europe the Smart cars are smaller than in the States. Mine is the big model, redesigned to include, among other American amenities, cupholders. It was fun to see the different colors and options they have in Europe. About one out of every ten cars I saw in Italy was a Smart.

Red Smart in Rome

Yellow and Black Smart in Florence

Lime Green Smart in Bologna

Blue Smart like mine in Assisi

Laughter Amidst the Pain

2009-04-19T08:43:00.000-07:00

Kelly, Molly. Jane, and Ben

Having people here for the service was wonderful. All the fixing meals, washing towels, changing sheets, shopping for food, loading and unloading the dishwasher, and cleaning were worth it because I got to spend time with treasured family members. I love being with my Aunt SA, who thinks the way I put fruit on a plate is amazing. She marvels at every little thing I do. I also loved the California adventure I had with my niece, Jane, and her husband, Ben, and the girls. I wrote about her here previously. They picked me up at noon from work, and we started with lunch at In & Out. Then thrift stores, where everyone found something to treasure and carry home. Next was See’s Candy. I bought Jane a pound of Butter Chews and Scotch Mallows, with some Peanut Butter Patties thrown in for Ben. Can’t do that in Austin! It’s easy to make her happy. She is beautiful, funny, kind, witty, and a joy to be around. I didn’t know her husband at all before, but I became quite fond of him on this trip. May our next time together be under happier circumstances!

A Fond Farewell

2009-04-18T16:00:00.000-07:00

My dad’s service honored both him and God. Many of his friends have already gone before him, or were too ill to attend the service. Others came to Mom’s service to support Dad, but these same people didn’t really know me, so they didn’t come. The people there were almost all people I knew well and I was really touched by who came. My aunt, his sister, of course. Cousins from Santa Paula. My cousin, Jon, flew in from Japan. Jon is funny and smart and has great stories. It was a joy to see him. Parents of students who didn’t even know dad were there. A friend from Bakersfield came and brought beautiful flowers. Dad’s dear nurse, who is my friend. Work friends. Church friends. Friends. Pastor Paul preached from Psalm 92 saying that Dad was like a cedar of Lebanon bearing fruit until the end of his life. This passage fit my dad well. Our friend/pastor from Turkey co-officiated. He had a special relationship with Dad. Brenna and Molly are both great writers and shared stories about their grandfather. Matt read Brenna’s words since she is out of the country. I really missed Brenna. I really miss my dad. Brenna will come home. Dad's in his permanent home.

Stop reading here, unless you have nothing better to do. This may be only interesting to me.

Here's what I said about dad:

At a time like this everyone says great things about their dads, but my dad was the absolute best dad. We had a special Dad-daughter relationship, and I will truly miss him.

At his graveside service we read The Prayer of St. Francis that he had wanted read: Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. One week after he died I was in Assisi, Italy where St. Francis was from. My dad truly was an instrument of peace. One of the creeds he lived by was “give the other person the better end of the deal.” He almost never got angry with people and I’ve seen him raise his voice only a couple of times my entire life. He worked in the cut throat brokerage business which, it seems to me, would make you enemies, but no one ever said a bad word about my dad. The bible says to pray for your enemies, but I think the only enemies dad had were those evil people who were trying to discredit Richard Nixon.

He had a love affair with the automobile. He cried hard on his seventh birthday when he had asked for a real Austin car and didn’t get it. He was given a brand new Studebaker on his 16^th birthday. Once he thought it would be fun to drive the family car, a Mercury down the ski jump in Rochester to see what would happen. He was a daredevil on the road. He could tell you the date of any event in his life by remembering what car he had at the time.

Another love was airplanes. He loved to fly. He would take us kids up for flights and when I was little I thought my dad could magically make the city grow smaller and smaller when we were in the plane. When I was ten he let me take the stick for the first time. He told me to pull back on it all the way, so I did and the plane went almost vertical and immediately stalled. The engine cut out and the plane started falling from the air. He knew, but I didn’t that the plane would regain power and straighten out, and everything would be fine. I was scared to death, and I looked over at him and he’s laughing.

On my 16^th birthday he surprised me and took me out of school and took me to the DMV to get my driver’s license.

In 1975 Dad was one of the first patients ever to have heart bypass surgery. It was a scary time for us. Open heart surgery was not routine like it is now. The doctors mended his heart, but it was broken again when he found out his pilot’s license had been revoked b/c of the surgery. He spent a lot of time and money in court trying to argue that he was healthier after the surgery than before, but he was never able to get back his license to fly. He became one of the first patients ever to have a second heart bypass and then had a third. The head of cardiology at St. John’s said he had never met anyone who had 16 bypasses. He had few arteries left in his arms and legs!

Throughout my life whenever I went through a rough patch Dad was there. I still have letters he wrote me with his beautiful calligraphy encouraging me and telling me how brilliant and talented I was. He saw me as a success when I couldn’t see it myself.

When I was a small child, he would leave for work at 5:30 in the morning. I would get up in the dark and eat breakfast with him, and then go back to sleep when he left, just so I could be with him. When he moved to Oxnard, Dad and I started having lunch every Monday, and we would talk politics, and investing and he would tell me stories of how he landed his plane on the railroad tracks, or of doing donuts on the ice in his Chevy in New York. He had travelled so much, and I loved to hear him talk about something that happened while he was in Estonia, or Poland or Thailand. He read a thick book every day, and always had something interesting to talk to me about. When Mom was in mental hospitals three different times, we were both devastated and became close allies. Although I shed many tears through those times, the time spent with Dad made it endurable. To have someone to suffer with made the anguish bearable.

On October 20 he had a massive heart attack and soon after that he came to live with me. There have been some pretty terrible times because I’ve called 911 ten times since then. If I never have to sit on a plastic chair in an emergency room again it will be too soon. But there have been wonderful times, too. So many times I’d come home from school, and he acted happier than a Golden Retriever greeting his master: “How was school, Honey? Did Shelby get that job she wanted? Did Michael finally turn in his paper?” He told me over and over what a great daughter I was and how blessed he was to have me. He saw only people’s good sides, and sought out the best in everyone.

He told me how he’d gotten to do everything he ever wanted to do and if he died soon, he knew where he was going. His worst fear was not that he would die, but that he wouldn’t be able to drive again. To show you what a considerate dad I have—the escrow closed on his house a week before he died. He had already gone through his possessions and paperwork with me, and sold the grand piano and arranged for the museum to take the antique typewriters. Also, if he had died even one day later, I would not have been able to go to Italy. He was just the best dad to the very end.

Friday in Italy

2009-04-05T08:01:00.000-07:00

St. Peter's Basilica

Juggler in Piazza Navona

We ate gelato every day, and our tour director knew the best places. (Some gelato is made from powdered flavors and not fresh ingredients, but not the ones we ate--they were amazing!!)

Sunset in Roma

Today we had a free day in Rome. The bus dropped us off at the Spanish Steps at 9am, and our smaller group of 9 was going to the catacombs. Being with a tour group means that many of your needs are met: you don’t have to research hotels, the transportation is taken care of, and you just show up to meals and people serve you wonderful food. Without the structure of the bigger group it was like herding cats to try to get everyone going in the same direction. “Look! Shiny!” NB wanted to peek “quickly” into a nearby church while we figured out transportation to the catacombs, and two others went with her. We waited forty five minutes for them to return. Then RO needed to go to the bank. “I didn’t know I’d need money for public transportation!” “You mean, you don’t even have a Euro on you???” Ten minutes later we were searching for J., who had wandered off. “Look over there! A statue!” By 10:45 we were on the Metro together. I love taking public transportation in foreign cities, and Rome is easy because it’s only 2 short lined—impossible to get lost, but doesn’t go to your destination. Before we could engage a taxi, we passed a local market., ( “Bargains!! Must stop!!”), which necessitated another trip to the bank. When NB asked where the bank was, the woman said “Around the corner. Around the corner.” Around the corner we saw nothing, so we asked another person, who said “Around the corner.” I thought “That must be what people say when they don’t know where something is. But, no, it really was around the corner twice. The first woman wasn’t just repeating herself. Found the bank. Went back to the market, made the vendors VERY happy and were on our way in two taxis to the catacombs. Which were closed. It was noon, and they would reopen at two. After walking one direction, NB asked a woman pulling into her gated estate “Do you know where we could get lunch or find a supermarket?” “Oh, no English! My husband…” Points to car pulling up behind her. Yells: “Pietro, parli ingles a la signorini.” Proceeded in the opposite direction and found a sandwich shop where the waiter wrote “I heart Jilian” (or whatever your name was) in the foam of the cappuccino. We arrived at the catacombs four and a half hours later than expected, but we had had amazing, unexpected adventures on the way. I love figuring out local transportation, making myself understood by ordinary local people and shopping where they shop, and we had been able to do all of these.

The catacombs were where the earliest Christians were buried. Before the early church formed, people in Rome cremated their dead or left the bodies in the open air. Because the earliest saints believed they would need their bodies after they were resurrected, they started embalming them and burying them. And I thought all that was invented by the American funeral industry! I wonder if they were pressured into buying the gold painted vault and the marble coffin instead of the cheap brick one. They built extensive elaborate labyrinths of graves with beautiful simple frescoes of Bible stories on the walls. I was deeply touched by these believers who believed the same things I did, and yet lived almost 2000 years ago. Even though the paintings of the stories of Jonah, Moses, Jesus, and the apostles were ancient, the meaning was clear. I felt part of something that transcended time. Once a day the tears hit me, and usually I’m in some really public place. Today I was deep in the tunnels, when I remembered my dad was just buried, too. The tears are uncontrollable. I give myself permission to grieve, but wish I had some alone space to cry, too.

After we returned to the city center, I experienced the highlight of my day: we visited the tiny jail where St. Peter and St. Paul were imprisoned before they were crucified. Prisoners were kept in a dingy, rat-infested room about 7 feet square. There was a small hole in the ceiling where people could toss them food or necessities through a grate. The prisoners often died from strangulation from other prisoners, but more often they died from starvation. It was here that Paul wrote his letter to the Philippians urging them not to be anxious or worried about anything. He wanted them to rejoice in the Lord always. How difficult it would have been to rejoice about anything in his situation!

It seemed fitting on our last day to have pasta and gelato and then walk across the river to leave just as the sun was setting over the beautiful city.

Thursday in Italy

2009-04-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

St. Peter's at night
Marsh and SW at the Coloseum

Sometimes I feel like I'm in Greece and not Rome, because I feel like I'm running a marathon!!! Today we saw the the Vatican Museum, the Sistene Chapel, and St. Peter's Basilica, and then had lunch. Then the Coloseum, Pantheon, Arch of Constantine, Trajan’s Column, Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Hall of Justice, Capitol Hill Square, Forum, and stopped for gelato. Whew! Off again and saw thePiazza Venezia, Four Rivers Fountain, shopped and had coffee at the Piazza Novata. Almost all of this is on foot--Rome is a big city! When we were more exhausted than the Roman gladiators after a fight, we stopped for dinner. And you would think then we would get to sleep, but, no!, went back out on a night tour of Rome including the Roman Baths and the Trevi Fountain and more gelato. We got back at midnight. I am very happy and very tired.

You know how when you stay at the Disneyland hotel and you buy something in the Magic Kingdom they send it to your hotel room for you? In Vatican City, you can buy something (like a rosary, or a prayer book), the Pope will bess it in the afternoon, and it will show up at your hotel later. I like the idea and I'm fine with all this, but the rest of the commercialism of the city (country? The Vatican is a country), bothers me a little. There are tons of overpriced plastic saint statues for sale and four dollar bottles of soda. There's pasta sold in the shape of something that only men have. (If I spell it out, I'll get the wrong kind of traffic on my blog.) There are calendars that show a closeup of part of a different famous statue each month. The statues aren't suggestive, but the calendars certainly are.

Our bus driver is so funny. Today the street was a little too narrow, so he got out and singlehandedly pushed a Smart Car about a foot closer to the curb while the whole bus cheered.

There is limited public transportation and the streets are packed with crazy drivers. Every time they try to dig a subway line, they find important ruins and building is stopped. We have the "Bus to Home" statue by the mall and City Hall, but they have art EVERYWHERE. It's weird when Michelangelo becomes ho hum. Oh, look another Giotto! Raphael has a very simple grave. So many others overshadow him.

Wednesday in Italy

2009-04-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

We journeyed to Assisi, home of St. Francis, patron saint of Italy, and patron saint of birds. The city was especially meaningful to me because Dad wanted St. Francis’ prayer read at his graveside service: Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. It’s no wonder that St. Francis prayed this because he considered a heretic in his time. He fought against the corruption he saw in the Catholic Church and advocated Chastity, Poverty, and Obedience. I thought about my daughter, Molly, today, too, because her middle name is “Clare” and St. Clare was also from Assisi, forming a woman’s order that was the counterpart to the Franciscans. At age 18 she rebelled against her wealthy family and the church and chose to go around in rags begging. I can just imagine how well that went over with her parents. She was either crazy or had true courage. Part of her famous prayer is:

Most high, glorious God, enlighten the darkness of our hearts. Grant us a correct faith. certain hope, and a perfect charity, sense, and knowledge, Lord, that we may carry out your holy and true commands.

Along with the other interesting facts about this city on the hill, our guide told us that a typical tourist activity is to pray in the basilica. So, in Italy, you eat spaghetti, look at beautiful art, buy leather, and say a prayer. St. Francis would have hated the “plasicization” (I know that’s not a word), of the faith: the glow-in-the-dark rosaries, and the plastic statues of St. Francis.

The ancient little town was darling with winding streets and quaint staircases. I really liked it there. We are now in Rome and gearing up for a marathon day. My family tends to go hard all morning and then relax a bit in the afternoon. On this trip I've seen that I have more stamina that I ever thought possible because we are walking from early morning to dinner at 7:30. Whew!

Tuesday in Italy

2009-04-01T12:54:00.001-07:00

I could hardly climb the four flights of stairs to my hotel room tonight because my legs were like mushy rubber bands! We started the day climbing 463 stairs to the top of the cupola of the cathedral. Small balconies originally used to construct the dome and paint the inside have been turned into opportunities for tourists to see the frescoes up close and personally and also to have magnificent views of the city. Of course, we had to climb the 463 stairs back down again! We saw the Uffizi Gallery which isn’t big, like the Louvre, but every painting is important: Giotto, Leonardo, Raphael, Caravaggio, Rubens, Titian and Michelangelo. Of course, the painting the girls liked the best was the one of Adam and Eve shown at the beginning of Desperate Housewives. The kids were troopers, and so is NB’s 83 year old mother, who at one point told our tired group “You all need a rest. Sit here and I’ll go explore.” Reid and I waited in line over two hours to see the David statue while the others shopped. It turned into an incredible experience for him when the 90 Spanish girls behind him found out he was from California. They treated him like a celebrity and got his email address and Facebook page. As he left the girls he said “I can’t believe what just happened to me.” Reid also thinks that gelato is the key to world peace. It IS delicious. So was the bow-tie pasta I had for lunch and the rigatoni with pesto sauce for dinner. Starbucks has trained me well at ordering café lattes and cappuccinos, but being in these cute cafes reminds me how Jim isn’t here with me.
I feel so lucky to be here eating amazing foods and having my soul fed with this beautiful art. Learning Italian has been another joy, and usually people understand my Spanish and are eager to help me learn the Italian word. If I say “pequeno” (the Spanish word) they say “piccolo” and are overjoyed when I say it right. Every time I get some down time, the tears come, but I am thankful for the many, many joys of each day.

Monday in Italy

2009-04-01T12:46:00.000-07:00

Our guide wanted us to experience an Italian city that did not rely entirely on the tourist trade, so on the way to Florence we stopped in Bologna. The surprising discovery to me was the fountain and statue of Neptune in the main square—it was exactly like the one in the city center of Palos Verdes Estates where I grew up! I knew that the fountain of my childhood had come from Italy and was an exact replica, but to come across the original by chance was very fun. I hate to drone on about the food, but the mushroom risotto I had for lunch was the creamiest and most delicious rice dish I had ever had. Another highlight was Foucault’s pendulum, which he used to prove that the Earth rotates. Jim would have really liked it, so it made me miss him. The beautiful 24 hour Renaissance clocks in the cathedrals and the many sundials also remind me of him. He loves time instruments.
We arrived in Florence and took a 2 hour walking tour of the city. This is the home of the powerful Medici family, and also of Leonardo de Vinci and Michelangelo. It is the home of Galileo and the author of Pinocchio. Little Pinocchio marionettes abound. Art is everywhere, from the beautiful white, pink and green marble cathedral to the beautiful statues and fountains in the piazzas. Because there is so much to see, and only two days in which to do it, it feels overwhelming. It would be like allowing two hours to see Disneyland your first time. I must come back.
Bits of trivia: In Italy they call him Napoleon “Malaparte” instead of Bonaparte. Italian students don’t do week long tours. Our guide says it’s because Italian students misbehave and are disrespectful. Most hotels won’t accept groups of Italian students for this reason.

2009-03-29T12:30:00.000-07:00

I felt like I had stepped onto a movie set when we landed in Venice today. It looked so much like all the pictures you ever see of the city.

We had unexpected adventures today, though, because itwas the highest tide of the year, and we had unseasonable rains.

The picture is in front of Saint Mark's Basilica where the gospel writer is buried. The benches you see are crowded and dangerous, but the only way to walk around the city without getting drenched. As it was I arrived back at the hotel frozen, and soaked. Even the items in my purse were soggy-money in my money holder, kleenex, and my Splenda. It was very fun, however. We watched them blowing Venetian glass, and making lace (an old tradition that had died out, but is being revived--quite beautiful and painstaking.) Reid was the only one from our group who went on the gondola ride, and he really had fun. I opted for the coffee shop instead of 35 minutes sitting in the open boats in the cold rain. The temperature was in the low 40s. Besides, I'd rather do a gondola for the first time with Jim. I'm really missing my travel partner here. I hope we can return here together.

I've had the most delicious food. The difference in lasagna here is like the difference between black and white TV and color. It's similar, but so much richer and complex.

Last night when we finished our acitivities at 10:30 p.m. I had to tell the group: "Tomorrow we leave for Venice at 7:30 am. This means that you must be at breakfast at 6:45. This means you will be getting a wake-up call at 6 am. And, by the way, the Italians go on Daylight Savings time today, so you will lose an hour." Guess how well that went over?

Ciao!

2009-03-28T11:12:00.000-07:00

We're in Italy! I am here as a chaperone to three students and three adults related to them. We are in a small beach resort near Venice. We had two very long flights with tehnical problems and delays, but we made it. We had the best spaghetti at this restaurant that I've ever had in my life! You know how when you eat American food in a foreign country it doesn't taste right? Seems as though this is true for Italian food in America, too. The noodles were handmade and the sauce was amazing.

This beach is a block from our hotel. I needed the peace that all this sand and the waves brought me today. The town is darling.

Written on the flight to Italy

2009-03-28T11:05:00.000-07:00

I feel so out of control of my life. There have been so many horrible events that have blindsided me in the past six months (nephew dying, 10 trips to the ER, my dad’s final passing, court stuff) that I am waiting for the next thing. I live protectively cowered, half-expecting the next blow. My refrigerator is very clean and my Tupperware drawers and dishes cabinets are tidy. These are things I can control.

The graveside service is over, and the last phone call is made. There’s no more defending myself from the woman who wanted to sell me the more expensive vault with the “better seal” (seal? Huh?), or the mortician who implied Dad needed a cosmetologist even if there wasn’t viewing. There are no more errands or huge crowds to feed three times a day. I’m on a plane to Italy and finally have nothing to do next. This is good, but has made the emotions surface. I can’t control where grief hits me, and often it’s a very public place, like this plane. I just can’t stop crying.

The service was beautiful. I loved the military honors with the flag-folding ceremony and the 21-gun salute. I memorized Hebrews this year, and Pastor Paul used verses from that book in the message of encouragement. Since the verses were so very familiar to me, they were powerfully comforting. I wondered at the time if people who don’t share my faith were bored, but then I figured, I wasn’t going to think about that. This is a time to be a little selfish. I was so happy that my dear friends KW, KA, RP, and KD, who have been such a comfort and support to me this year, came. I have a cousin who is mentally ill, and I hadn’t seen her for awhile. She’s my age and I always loved seeing her. Once she made my girls pancakes after a swimming lesson, and they must have eaten thirty pancakes each. But yesterday I realized those times are over. She couldn’t string a coherent sentence together. The long family history of mental illness has made its evil mark again. This was sad to me. No wonder she’s being such a pain in the neck as a ranch partner. It was fun to see my other cousins and to walk through the avocado groves at our family ranch after the service.

The Tenth and Final 911 Call

2009-03-23T13:10:00.000-07:00

This has been a week of intense emotions. My heart has been wracked with sadness as I watched my dad lose more and more of his abilities. On Saturday he wanted me to take a picture of him with his new haircut (given at the skilled facility.) When I showed him the picture, he said "I look sort of grim. Take another and I'll smile." I did and it looked identical to the first. He had tried hard to smile, and wasn't able to. When you can't smile any more, is life worth living? Although everything was an effort, he was determined to try to do it himself. To the end he was kidding around and making me smile even when he couldn't.

On Sunday we brought him home from the skilled nursing facility, and he was happy to be home. In the night he called for me, and I came to his side He started breathing hard, and I realized he was dying. Throughout this whole time with my dad, I've felt like I didn't know what I was doing. I learned and tried my hardest to give him the very best care. I have no regrets. Even at the end I didn't know what to do. If he's asked not to be resuscitated do you call 911 when he stops breathing? If we called, would they be obligated to resusitate? We did call, and the same firemen who had come some of the previous nine times arrived and helped us through.

My dad has gone to a better place, where his body is healed and thousands upon thousands of angels are gathered in joyful assembly. (Hebrews 12:22) I'm thankful that he died at home with us. Jim was here with me. I'm thankful for his faithful partnership through 29 years of marriage. (Dad died the day after our anniversary.) I'm thankful that Matt is with Brenna in El Salvador, and that she's not grieving alone in a foreign land. I'm thankful for dear friends Rick and Diane, who "happened" to be spending the night. (I don't think this was an accident, but rather a divine appointment.) They were with us when he died at 3:30 am, and stayed awake with us offering comfort and help. And tea.

Welcome to the Middle

2009-03-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel squeezed from both ends. Today was especially difficult with my dad. He seemed confused and it was hard to communicate with him. This is new. I'm realizing how this last episode has been a huge setback for him. I am still grieving his loss of independence from last October. Now I realize his October abilities look like the American colonies in 1776 compared to now. New grief.

My heart aches for one of my girls going through a difficult situation. Young people don't especially like to be written about in their mother's blogs, so I won't. Except to talk about my part, which is how sad my heart is when something sad happens to one of my children when she is living far away. There's so little I can do, and it makes me sad that I can't fix it, or help her, or even give her a hug. I just want to make her a cup of tea or buy her chocolate or cover her with a warm quilt. Instead I can only pray for her, and hope things turn around for her soon.

Kelly is working as a nanny. This means that someone pays her to go to wherever she wants, do whatever she wants, and work in her jammies if she wants, as long as she takes the baby with her. She can go to Starbucks, run errands, surf the Internet at naptime, and be completely free with no responsibilities after 5 p.m. Today she wrote " I felt like a grown up this morning when I got ready for work, dropped the baby at day care, and then listened to NPR on the way to volunteer at [the older sibling's] school." Kelly has not asked for money since last July. Molly and Brenna have not only asked for money, but also my car and my frequent flier miles. Welcome to the middle.

Set off the Fireworks

2009-03-16T19:38:00.001-07:00

It's no fun having a child overseas. I've had children in Thailand, Spain, Honduras, and even Hanoi (only now it's called "Ho Chi Min City.") It's sort of an unsettling feeling to realize someone so precious to you is far away and probably facing some sort of danger. Brenna was in Thailand during a coup. And I worried for days when she went to Vietnam, especially when she told me "Mom, I think the war is over now." Doesn't she realize the danger she's in??? Sure enough, she fell down an enemy tunnel and hurt her ribs. Now THAT wouldn't have happened if she was safe and sound in SLO. Now she's in El Salvador. And she's perfectly safe. The reason that she is safe is that she is surrounded by men carrying machine guns. There's one at the coffee shop she goes to, the mall, the ice cream store, campus, her house, etc. See? Safe. Then this weekend El Salvador held elections. A far left leader was expected to be elected and her team was warned of possible violence. So, the city is filled with machine guns and there might be VIOLENCE??? Great. What happens when one act sets off the next? Do the guards all just start firing? Of course, the elections went well, and there was no rioting, and all that food that they stocked up on in case they had to stay inside for a week, will have to be eaten in peace. I magnified the danger in my mind because I am upset about so many things lately. Horrible things happen to me out of the blue these days, and I am a little edgy about anything happening to the precious loved ones I have left. She's safe and sound. But it's still unnerving to talk to her with fireworks going off in the background. "How do you know they are fireworks and not gunshots?" I asked. She said "Mom, I've been here long enough to know what gunshots sound like." That's REALLY comforting.

Is it Possible to be TOO Nice?

2009-03-13T16:15:00.001-07:00

When I got to the hospital yesterday, Dad's face was screwed up in pain. "What's wrong?" I asked. "I have a pain like a knife in my side." So I called the nurse. She asked him what the pain felt like. "It's like a little stitch in my side." He gave the impression that it was like a minor cramp that you get sometimes when you run. The nurse went to get pain medicine. "Why didn't you tell them how much it really hurt?" I asked him. "Oh, I hate to be a burden to them." He wants to win the award for best patient, but doesn't realize there's no one even competing with him!! I went home and cried for an hour because he looked so terrible. When I went back the medicine had worked its magic, and he was in great spirits and had all but forgotten the pain. Today when I visited, he was obviously in pain again. "Is it your side again?" "Yes." "Did you ask for something for the pain?" "No." "Why not?" "Well, it really only hurts when I breathe."

Honor One Another Above Yourself

2009-03-12T06:25:00.000-07:00

I did not picture my life this way. I thought I'd have plenty of time with the girls gone to pursue my own passions. I'd have time after school to quilt or read or have coffee with a friend. My life changed so suddenly and so severely in an instant last October that I have been reeling ever since. My therapist asked "How are you?" and I replied "Thrashed." Then she said "It must be like having a toddler again." With this statement she earned my undying love because I knew she she understood EXACTLY. In caring for someone who can't care for himself, my mind is always preoccupied with what he is doing, and how he is feeling. Is he fed? Sleeping OK? Sick? Happy? In trouble? My mind is consumed by this other person. He occupies every thought. I can't leave him alone, andI need to make complex arrangements to do simple things like have dinner out. It takes a long time when I go anywhere because he has so much stuff with him, and he walks so slowly. As I unhooked Dad's seatbelt for him, and helped him out, I had flashbacks to getting the girls out of their carseats. Both my dad and a toddler want to be independent. They say "I can do it!" when they really can't. They make messes they can't clean up themselves. All of this would be completely unbearable if not for the precious moments. My heart melted when the girls would say "I love you, Mommy." And it does the same when Dad says "You are my one joy in life." There's something wonderful about being pulled kicking and screaming out of my own self-centeredness to care for another person and live my life for him. I know it's taking the sharp edges off me, and making me kinder and more loving. It's no fun most of the time. I want him to be well and independent and out of pain. I want to lay on my bed and drink tea and surf the Internet. But this has made me realize that life is short, and is to be lived for others, not for ourselves.

There are Good Days, Too

2009-03-10T17:33:00.000-07:00

Just when I think I can't make it through and am ready to dissolve into a puddle on the floor, God will send me an amazing sign of His love. After the two ER visits last week, I was really struggling. My friend PD, who is a pastor, gave me huge encouragement and hope as we talked about his struggles that are every bit as hard as mine. KA came and pruned all my roses with me. Half the time she spoke another language with phrases like like ratchet pruners, swelling at the leaf scar, and air circulation. The yard looked beautiful when we were done, and my spirits were lifted, too.

On Sunday we got together with our amazing friends from France whom we met in college almost thirty years ago. The husband is the funniest person I've ever met. He's made up this whole scenario where we are the "Venucci family". We have Italian names, and eat at Italian restaurants, and try not to murder anyone. Jim is appropriately "Cappecino Venucci". I wonder why? The laughter through my tears was very healing. They are both hold doctorates in Psychology and their caring, and listening and prayers were all very healing for me. We met other treasured mutual friends in Valencia and really had a blast together. At one point we were walking and K. said "QUICK! Everyone switch watches!" That's just the kind of guy he is. That night a friend, NB, made me the most amazing stew from a cow she had bought at the fair. The delicious meal fed my soul. On Monday I got a heartfelt unsolicited letter from a student telling me specifically how I had changed her life forever. I almost felt like giving back my paycheck this month--that letter was worth more than it's weight in gold. There are also phone messages, cards, and kind words from my many dear friends. I feel so lucky and blessed to be surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses.

Treasured Friends.

The Venucci men are always kidding around.

The Beautiful Venucci Women

No playing is complete without treats and I learned about Pinkberry Yogurt. Yum!!

Hopefully the Last Shoe Dropped: ER Visit # 9

2009-03-06T19:18:00.001-08:00

I woke up to what looked like the scene of a murder: blood everywhere. I called 911 for the ninth time in five months. My dad has some kind of internal bleeding. After the ambulance left I was crying so hard it wouldn't have been safe for me to follow it as I usually do. A friend wrote me (before she knew about this): "I keep thinking when another shoe drops that there should only be two!" Yes, I feel like Imelda Marcos: the other shoe keeps dropping. He's in ICU tonight, still bleeding, but getting excellent care. The nurses and doctors at SJRMC are amazing, and treat him as if he were their father. They know him well there, which is sort of scary. The doctor who stapled his head three days age was thrilled to get to see his work. "I never get to see how it turns out!" he said.

Our family has a four-generation whistle. My grandfather taught it to my dad, and my dad to me, and at least one of my girls does it. Today I went into the corridor when he needed some privacy, and instead of calling "It's OK to come back" he gave me the whistle. It reminded me how we have this special bond. I love my dad so much. We are so close and grow even closer after each trauma. He's such a good guy--kind, compassionate, funny and smart. I'm thankful that I get to be there for him, but I'm just sad that he has to keep going through all this.

I am Not in Control of My Life

2009-03-03T21:51:00.000-08:00

Last October when my troubles had just begun a dear friend gave me a card that said "Success is getting up one more time than you fall down." So far I've been able to keep getting up. But I keep getting knocked down and what I want to shout is "HEY, LIFE! GIVE ME A BREAK! QUIT KNOCKING ME DOWN!!" I'm getting tired of these unfortunate events happening to me. I was awakened out of a sound sleep at 5 a.m. My dad had phoned us on his cell from the dining room saying that he had fallen. We raced out of bed to find him in a huge pool of blood, with more blood flowing out of his head. We called 911, and they took him to ER where they stapled his 6 inch gash closed. It took seven hours in ER hell. This is my eighth visit to the ER in less than five months. The ER is misery. You wait and wait. Waiting in line at the DMV is exciting compared to this. Waiting on hold for Verizon is more entertaining than this. I think of all the things that I need to do, but can't do them. There are all these terrible sounds: doctors using words like blood, rectum, vomit, and urine. Screams, moans, crying. There's no privacy. Did the inventor of the ER really think that those little rooms divided by a flimsy curtain would offer privacy? The machines ding and alarms go off interrupting my train of thought or my ability to read. I'm always with someone in pain, and I'm filled with worry. Shots, painful tests, blood draws, police, uncomfortable beds, and nothing to eat or drink. I came home even more thrashed than I normally do after working all day. I'm bound and determined to keep standing up, but I'm getting a little fed up.

Our House is a Very, Very, Very Fine House

2009-03-03T16:28:00.001-08:00

Escrow closes on my dad's house on Wednesday. Yesterday morning I felt like a student with a huge term paper to finish. I had a day ahead of me of cleaning out, piling up, sorting through and doing backbreaking work. I tell my students that the last 5% of anything is the hardest, and it certainly is with this project. Too much to be done, and it's so emotional! There's the painful interaction between my brother and me. There's the division of property between us, and the ensuing hard feelings. Additionally Jim and I attack things from different angles, and that becomes difficult. My brother's ten-year-old step-daughter wanted everything and couldn't have it. Nothing made her happy. She was hungry but didn't want to eat the 98 things I suggested. There was chaos and disorder and hard work. And I hate all those things! Yesterday we cleaned out the attic, emptied the garage, moved the fireproof safe, moved Brenna's and Dad's cars, made a huge pile of trash, and sponged out the kitchen drawers. Today I sold Mom's baby-grand piano to a woman who teaches in my school district. One more thing off the list. What's remaining? The trash hauled away, the papers notarized, the house cleaned and the utilities turned off. Thank God the end is in sight!

As bad as it is for me, it's even more difficult for my dad. He knows it's the end of an era. He and Mom built that house, and lived in it for 20 years. He says "It's like closing a door."

The Quick Brown Fox Jumps Over the Big Lazy Dog

2009-02-18T17:15:00.000-08:00

An Ancient Blickensderfer

One of the very first electric typewriters

I'm excited about my own family history, but I wasn't sure if it was interesting to anyone else until today. My grandfather invented the electric typewriter, and now that Dad is moving to our house, we had to find a place for his 20 antique typewriters. I found a great website online that bought antique typewriters for lots of money, but Dad would have none of it. So I Googled "typewriter museum" and got a list. They were all over the U.S., but one was in Ventura!!! So I called the Ventura County Historical Museum, and they came out today to look at our collection. Before she came, I had no idea how she would react. What if she said "Well, we're really not interested." What if our treasure was treated like items being picked over at a garage sale? I needn't have worried. The woman oohed and aaahed and almost jumped up and down. She made all the appropriate responses that made my heart sing. We have the original patent from the patent office, and old pictures, pay stubs, and ads that turns out are valuable by themselves. She was a little unsure how to tie it all to Ventura County, even though I was a resident. After all, I've only lived here 20 years, and my grandfather never lived here. Then when I mentioned I was a Pinkerton, (a long-time Ventura County ranching family), it was as if she had struck gold. "Oh, we know your family's history backwards and forwards. " So, I think they're going to take all the beautiful machines and take good care of them. Very rarely do I get a chance to make someone happy by checking something off my list, so I'm thrilled.

I'm Thankful for a Four-Day Weekend

2009-02-16T13:32:00.000-08:00

I'm so weird. I can wallow like Eyore one minute, and the next feel quite Piglet-ish. One minute I'm incredibly sad about my nephew dying, and the next minute I'm realizing how much fun the weekend is.

On Saturday I celebrated our mutual February birthdays in San Clemente with my friend who is like a mother to me. We had lunch at a fancy restaurant on the water in Dana Point. It was great to talk for hours about our lives, our faith, and to straighten her out on the fact that the teacher's union is NOT what is making education terrible in California.

Then I went on to San Diego, and got to eat at my FAVORITE restaurant (the Persian one). It was Valentine's Day and Molly and I fit right in because all the people in the restaurant were same-sex couples celebrating their relationship. (Kelly lives in a very ecclectic neighborhood.) Although Kelly is living in Northern California now, she flew in that night for a job interview and to play the Wii at her San Diego house.

Molly reminded me of the time Brenna was about five and announced "ALL roads lead SOMEWHERE." Yes, they do. But not always where you want to go. Molly, kept saying "I know where I'm going. I know where I'm going." And this was technically true. She just didn't know how to GET there. Molly has many amazing talents. One of which is that she can roll out of bed and look prettier than someone who has spent an hour trying to make themselves presentable for the day.

We also ate breakfast at Mystic Mocha, the hippy coffee place near Kelly's house. I love, love, love Mystic Mocha. I love the toys from the sixties displayed all over the restaurant, and the way people don't drive to it--they walk from the surrounding neighborhood. They often bring their dogs, and there is a huge glass jar of biscuits for their canine friends. But the best part is the most incredible muffins in the world. It was hard to choose between the pumpkin white chocolate chip pecan one, or the Mexican chocolate banana nut one. Yum! Then we went to Molly's church. Flood. (Why do churches all have non-church names now? Reality, The River, The Rock, The Bridge.) Next up: Korean Barbecue. A great quote from Kelly looking at the lunch menu: "Octoupus really isn't good the next day." Even though eating is one of her greatest talents, (She will try anything new.), Kelly has lost a lot of weight and is a mere shadow of herself. I hope she gets this job as a bilingual kindergarten teacher in San Diego. Obviously, there is NO ONE better qualified, but will they be able to see that in the 15 minute interview? I missed Jim and Brenna being with us, but I had a fabulous time with two of my girls.

Molly and Kelly at Mystic Mocha

Into Thin Air

2009-02-13T15:09:00.000-08:00

I read Into Thin Air, a book about the disaster on Mount Everest that left 14 people dead, and I can't stop thinking about it. Although my life is not as engrossing and suspenseful and well-writtten, it does have some paralells. I am surrounded by death. I went 30 years without having anyone close to me die, and then in the past two years I've had a dear friend, a brother, my mom, and my dog pass away. Just yesterday my 28 year old nephew died, leaving behind two children and a grief-stricken family. I feel like I'm grieving a new grief every other minute. There are two kinds of people who climb Mt. Everest: serious mountaineers who have lots of training and practice climbing tall mountains in high altitudes, and rich tourists who pay lots of money to have guides take them on a big adventure. The first group has saved forever and trained arduously to accomplish a once-in-a-lifetime dream. They are prepared and equipped and organized. The second group wants a thrill, and they might not have trained as much as they should have. They might not have brought enough oxygen or they don't have the experience to be able to make good decisions when disaster strikes. When danger strikes, the experienced climbers must choose to either help those who are in such deep trouble that they could lose their lives, or try to make it to the top and fulfill their own dreams. I am the organized type. I plan, I have back-up solutions for back-up solutions. I don't overspend, I don't get drunk, I don't wait until the last minute. I ask for help long before I am desperate. But there are a lot of people in my life who don't make good choices and don't plan, and I am left loaning them my last oxygen bottle. The administrative things I do make me think I can control my life. But I'm climbing this mountain, and I keep getting jerked off my feet by someone at the other end who has fallen into a crevasse. And if I were not an arrogant, self-absorbed person I would follow my faith better when it tells me to "bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please yourself." (Romans 15) I think God is saying, "It's not about getting to the top. It's about the journey. It's about helping others along the way, and it's about life's experiences (difficult as they are) making you a holier person. It's not about YOU and YOUR goals. It's about ME and how I'm working out my purposes through you and conforming you to be like me." And I really really want to live with that attitude, but these blinding snowstorms and avalanches keep knocking me over.

Life's a Journey, the Anniversary Edition

2009-01-30T21:14:00.000-08:00

One year ago today I started my blog. Having a place to share my experiences has made the journey easier. I've had incredibly sad things happen, (the blog began with the deaths of my mom and my brother, and covers my dad's heart attacks, and I also had a painful stomach illness that stretched on for months without a diagnosis) and incredibly wonderful things happen--trips to Turkey and El Salvador, seeing Molly off to college, my new teaching partner, and three graduations (Molly from high school, Brenna from Cal Poly, and Kelly with a master's degree from UCSD.)

One of my favorite things about the blog is the flag counter at the side. I love it that people read my blog, but it's especially fun to know people in 33 different countries have read it. Most of these flags represent friends who have gone to these counries or live in them. I feel lucky to have such great friends all over the world. I get such joy when a new flag is added, like when Brenna went to Costa Rica last week. Sometimes I don't know who added the flag-like my newest visitor from Korea a couple of days ago. (I love it when I find out.)

I love it when people tell me they've read the blog, and I hope it helps my family and friends understand me better or at least keep in touch. Maybe it will even help a stranger on a similar journey. Even if no one reads it, it's a place for me to sort out my thoughts and work things through. It reminds me that life's good and that I have treasured friends. Life's a journey, and mine's a good one.

I Love to Laugh. Ha ha ha ha. Loud and Long and Clear

2009-01-27T20:06:00.000-08:00

I love the people I work with, especially my new teaching partner, KW. She has this great love for the students, and a humorous toughness with them, too. She cracks me up. One student promised to bring her a paper last Friday. When he didn't show up with it, KW called his dad. "What can he do now to make it up?" the dad asked.

"I would suggest chocolate, because apparently he's going to have to get by in life on his charm, and not his follow-through."

So, the student shows up bright and early Monday morning with a red Valentine heart filled with Ghiradelli chocoate squares--the good stuff. (I particularly like those mint-filled ones. Yum!) It was great. If he doesn't learn any academics, he's learned a great lesson about how to appease an angry woman, and that will help him way beyond high school.

My whole staff has a great sense of humor. My principal leads the ship in hilarity. She can make anyone laugh, and usually gets what she wants because people are so entertained by her. The kids adore her, and so do the teachers. Mr. G.'s humor is a little sarcastic, but incredibly funny. He usually pokes fun at other people, but in a kind way. KA is the queen of puns and practical jokes. TS--well, what can I say? Her nickname is the same as a rowdy cartoon character. She is literally a laugh a minute and keeps me and her students in stitches. No one loves our students more than NS, but last week when I called, and said "I have a student...", she interrupted me saying "Cut him off at the knees!" Her humor is dry and cuts to the quick. So, they are all comics and I love to laugh, so it works well for me.

The Owner of the Stapler

2009-01-26T20:15:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago two of my students were taking tests, and one said to the other "I bet I do better on my test than you do on yours."

"I bet you're wrong," said the other.

"Am not."

"Are, too."

And they argued awhile until one said "OK, whoever gets the higher score gets Mrs. Peters' stapler."

"What?!! My stapler?"'

"Well, we won't really keep it, but one of us will OWN it." So, one of them earned a higher score, and "owned" the stapler. And it started a whole class culture that student with the high test score of the day owned the stapler. It meant absolutely nothing. They don't actually get to go home with anything. And yet it means everything. Later, the kids started writing their names on the board when they won the stapler. And they might add comments like "Now, I'm the Lord of the Stapler", or "Mwahahaha, I've beaten you all with my high score." Kids come in extra just to check on who owns the stapler now.

So, I have this freshman boy who I've really been trying to turn into a student. A few months ago he wasn't that great at taking tests. He didn't know how to study. But I've been coaching him on how to make his efforts more efficient. Last Friday he earned the stapler. The look on his face was incredible! He left the classrom feeling like he was a genius. Today he won the stapler again. It was one of my proudest teaching moments. He was so excited, and I knew I had made a difference, not only in his knowledge of Geography, but also in his ability to study and take tests. His self esteem rose about 300 points today. Later, after this student had left, another student came in the room and saw that CW had won the stapler. She decided to call and congratulate him. I love it that we have this meaningless, random symbol that encourages kids to do their best, and gives them back confidence and prestige among their peers.

Surprise!

2009-01-18T12:45:00.001-08:00

One thing that's complicated about my life is that it changed so suddenly. One minute I was considering how I was going to spend the five glorious days of my fall vacation and the next I was in the ER with Dad while he stablilized from a massive heart attack. I feel as though I adopted a child that day. Suddenly. He came to live with me unable to care for himself. I had to worry if he was warm enough, eating enough, happy enough, and bathing enough. I also began to worry even more than I already had before, that I would lose him. As if this wasn't complicated enough, I had just seen my last child leave for college. I was grieving the loss of my role as mother. The girls are all doing great, and I can see that they will be wonderful adults. I feel OK about the job I did as their mother, but I feel sad that they will never be living with me in the same way again. Even if they move home for a time, I won't really be their parent in the same way. Each time I kiss one of them good bye I feel incredibly sad and overwhelmed with grief. I feel a lot of loss right now...I'm sandwiched between learning to be the parent to adult children and learning to be the daughter to an adult with huge needs. And in October I had no idea that my life would take this direction. Surprise!

Do You Know the Way to San Jose?

2009-01-17T17:02:00.000-08:00

I am famous in my family for my complete lack of a sense of direction. I get lost in my own (small) town. I have excellent map-reading ability, but because I'm directionally challenged, people who are lost, rely on their own instincts and ignore me EVEN WHEN I'M HOLDING THE MAP. Anyway, Molly asked my dad if she could buy a suitcase off of him because she needed one and thought he might not need it any more. He gave her the suitcase, and turns to me "Honey, my GPS is portable, would you like it?" I assume I have to give it back if he ever drives again, but it was such a sweet gesture. He knows I am spending a lot of time on his life--getting his medicines, doing his laundry, running his errands, checking his messages and making his phone calls--and he wanted to be able to give back. You can tell he thought about it, and chose something that would be lasting and meaningful and used daily to give me. It's so touching to me because Dad has always shown me the right way to go, through his example, and through his wise advice. He's always been there for me, to point me in the right direction. I hope he drives again and I can give the GPS back, but if he doesn't, I'll feel a lot less lost.

The Book Fairy Runs an Errand

2009-01-14T17:59:00.000-08:00

I am the Book Fairy to a small boy whom I love. I buy books at the thrift store and he loves them. Read more here. Since my staff meeting was a field trip downtown, aftewards I thought I'd go to the nearby thrift store. I had such fun finding beautiful books. Then I felt really guilty. Here I am doing something pleasurable for myself while other people are doing my work! It's hard for me when other people are pitching in to help me because I can't get it all done, to allow myself to do something enjoyable. "You can't meet the locksmith, but you have time to go shopping?" "You turned down Randa when she needed you, and now you're just sitting around reading a book?" Part of me feels these thoughts aren't rational. I need some down time. Yet it's really hard to enjoy the down time because the list is so long and my friends have been so good to me. I had a busy life before my Dad became ill. Now 90% of the list is things for him: get the lost hearing aid replaced, open a bank account in the same city he lives in, call Social Security, return the wheelchair, etc. I don't enjoy these things. Yet I do enjoy getting to be with him so much. The times we have are sweet and special. He asked me yesterday "Do you think I'll ever get any better? Or will I only be sicker from here on?" We have lots of good talks. He tells his friends on the phone what a good daughter I am, and he always tells me how much he loves me and is thankful for me. These are the good times that make his errands worth it.

Genetic, and Photegenic?

2009-01-12T21:20:00.000-08:00

My oldest daughter is brilliant and adventurous and witty. She has this quirky sense of humor that makes me laugh. She tells us all the time how funny she is, and she's right. Sometimes my family and I feel differently about pictures. I love it when the kids let me take pictures of them together. I especially love it when they allow me to shoot a picture on a bridge, and we have pictures that I cherish of them on bridges all over the world. I'm trying to see the pictures that Kelly jokes around in as comical and humorous instead of a personal attack on me. I have cried when she won't let me take pictures on trips, but I'm really going change my attitude in the future, and let her be herself. I want a great family picture, and she wants to express herself. Could it be that the great family picture is not one where they are all smiling in traditional poses? Here are some El Salvador pictures that make me laugh:

Thoughts on Another Weekend

2009-01-11T20:13:00.001-08:00

I've had a great weekend. My sweet, precious, wonderful, positive niece, Jane, is here. She is the daughter of my brother who died, and I'm so thankful to have her in my life. Because of choices my brother made, I didn't get to see her for many years. Now we're all getting to see her more, and we're starting to form family traditions and history. The best thing we've done together is going to See's candy and letting her pick out her own custom two-pound box of chocolate. Although Jane LOVES See's, she resides in a state without See's. (As the See's lady says, you can't really LIVE in a state without See's. You can only reside there.) Jane was clapping her hands with glee just walking into the store and smelling the air. Then there were the samples. Anyone who gives me chocolate for free has my undying affection. Then the precious, white, wrapped box. A true treasure. Kelly and Molly also got small bags of candy. (And NOT because they are the unfavored step-children. They were happy to get more than a sucker.) It was a delicious adventure.

Another neat thing happened. Tomorrow the thief who stole Mom's wedding ring will be sentenced. My dad wanted to go see it. Jane said "Let's all go. It will be like Law and Order!" But it's a long walk from the parking lot to the courtroom. I knew Dad would need a wheelchair. I wondered when, and how I would obtain that before tomorrow. I asked someone at church if there were wheelchairs there to borrow, and he said "No." But a woman passing by, heard the conversation and said "I have a wheelchair you can borrow. Where do you live?" I had never seen this woman before, and she just happened to pass us at that exact moment, and happen to have a wheelchair that she didn't need tomorrow. Amazing. So Dad will be riding in style in his black-plaid, magically-apppearing wheelchair.

It wasn't all good. I turned on the water tonight just before dinner and it wasn't coming out right. Jim discovered silvery-gold fish egg sludge blocking it. It was in all the taps. We couldn't do dishes or take showers or wash hands. Too late at night to call a plumber. We were so grossed out. The Internet held no clues. The realtor selling Dad's house knew the answer. Thank goodness he called right when we needed him, and thank goodness I mentioned it. It's our water softener. It's gone out and spewed little plastic beads (not fish eggs) into our pipes. I remembered what my friend RP said "When you are under stress, and something breaks, you need to say to yourself 'It's only money. It's only money.'" So I'm not getting upset. I'm not hyperventilating. No one died. I'm going to be OK. It's only money.

A FIne How Do You Do

2009-01-02T16:24:00.000-08:00

Welcome home, but don't get too comfortable. I was having a great day. An amazing day. I walked with a friend. I went shopping with my aunt and uncle who are visiting. Jim, Molly, Dad, my aunt and uncle and I were eating Peppermint JoJos after a great lunch, when Dr. Cardiologist called. "Your dad has to get to the hospital right away, and have blood drawn. Do not pass "Go", do not go home until you have results and prepare to spend the next three hours of your life in lines and hospital waiting rooms." So, on a day when we all had remarked how much better Dad was doing--eating more, feeling better, having more energy--we discovered that apparently we don't have a clue. When we arrived at the hospital, the orders weren't there, so the receptionist called Dr. Cardiologist's nurse. She said "I faxed them five times." Huh? Why would you fax something five times unless you were having problems or someone had called to say it hadn't arrived four times? Wouldn't you just fax it once, and assume it had arrived? We stood in line some more. We waited in waiting rooms. We read Dr. Gott and Heloise. Finally Dad had blood drawn. Then we were told "DO NOT LEAVE UNTIL YOU HAVE THE RESULTS." But the hospital lab couldn't give us the results. They could only give them to the doctor, who was off today and unavailable. "But DON'T LEAVE. Sit there until you are bored out of your mind and willing to give us all your cash." And why didn't they want him to leave? If the lab results were bad they wanted to admit him. Wait. He's fine. He's having his best day yet!!! And you want him to lie in a hospital be hooked up to monitors and feed him hospital food because why?" I just couldn't see how that would help him. Every stay in the hospital has been a step backward for him requiring days to recover. Finally the news came. "Oh, sorry. False alarm. His labs are GREAT! The last results must have been a lab error. Silly us. He he." Geesh. Welcome Home, Dad.

There's No Place Like Home

2009-01-01T10:51:00.000-08:00

We arrived home safely. It was very sad to leave Brenna, knowing that I won't see her until July. I cried much of the way to the airport. One of the moms in our group discovered late the night before we flew that she had lost her passport. Suddenly the only thing worse than leaving your child behind in El Salvador became having to stay in El Salvador. They looked most of the night for the passport and called the embassy and the consulate, which were closed. In the morning their son drove out to the airport and asked if his mom's passport was there. The man in charge rolled his eyes, but went to look. Amazingly, he came back and said "Yes. It's here." It seems like in traveling there's always something stressful that happens, and it seems like it always works out. I'm not sure why that is. We checked our bags and walked to our gate, but on reaching security Matt suddenly remembered he had his pocketknife in his pocket still. It's easy to forget to check something you always carry with you. Amazingly again, they let him go behind the scenes where the luggage was and try to put it in his suitcase. He was gone for what seemed about two hours. His parents were a little scared of him going to El Salvador, so I was very conscious of keeping him safe. When he didn't return right away, I was sure that he had been safe the entire trip, only to be kidnapped and knifed at the last minute as we were ready to leave the country. Finally he showed up unscathed and we all drank lattes to celebrate.

We scarcely recognized our house when we arrived. Leprechauns had come again and organized every cabinet, nook and cranny. The garden was free of every leaf and weed, and the deck was scoured. We have a shed that is full of old junk tossed together, but our friend had organized it to the point that we wondered where all this new stuff came from. One of the girls said "Our house and yard have NEVER looked like this!" I feel like a complete slob. A happy slob, but slob nontheless. I love living in this new place, and I'm thankful for a good friend with time on his hands.

The Last Day

2008-12-30T19:22:00.000-08:00

Today we slept in and I finished my second book (Blindness).

Kelly and Molly and I got pedicures while the rest got coffee and shopped.

We had lunch at a bakery. Yum!

Jim drinking coffee and reading the paper.

We had smoothies and coffee at one of Brenna's favorite hang-outs.Everyone looks happy except Brenna on our last day here.

Naps were next. Then Matt and Brenna went on a romantic date to an Italian restaurant, while the rest of us dined at another bakery. It was a yummy day.

It's Hard having a Child in a Foreign Country, Especially a Violent One

2008-12-30T15:41:00.000-08:00

Brenna with one of the Salvadorian staff members of CCCI

One thing I'm going home with is a sense that Brenna is safe in El Salavador. It is a very dangerous country, but CCCI (the organization she is with) has put many safeguards into place. Before she went I was really upset that the young adults on her team would be driving. To be fair, I had been told that the driving was crazier in El Sal than in Asia. As it turns out this isn't true. I won't say that Chinese drivers are WORSE than other drivers, but they certainly have their own set of rules and secret handshakes that I think you have to have grown up with to understand. Salvadorian drivers have seemed calm in comparison: they follow lane lines, and know that traffic lights are not just suggestions. So I'm happy to see for myself that she is safe on the road. I would feel comfortable driving here, where I would NOT feel safe driving in Thailand.

Even though our children are adults, I'm glad that CCCI has taken the feelings of the parents into consideration and are doing everything possible to keep our kids safe. This means that the kids have very little freedom. Their worlds have iron bars, gates, and armed guards. They are delivered in cars from their home to the university; from one hermetically sealed world to the next. Or they can go from their house to the mall. In a group of two or more. They are either at home, at school or at a safe environment protected by a soldier with a rifle. Brenna can't just decide to go to the grocery store or the mall. She has to have someone with her, and she has to call one of the boys or a familiar driver to take her. She can't walk down the street freely. She can't be anywhere outside her house alone. Jim and I haven't been able to walk the two blocks from our hotel to her house--it's not safe. We have to take taxis or the rental car. Every little restaurant we visit, or store we shop at has an armed guard. I'm not sure whether this makes me feel safe, or scares me to death. I will go home and worry about her, but my rational mind knows she is taking a reasonable risk. She is in good hands here.

Lake Day

2008-12-29T20:27:00.000-08:00

Jim and me

Today we went to a beautiful lake and had lunch. The drive there had beautiful scenery, and the beautiful restaurant was an idyllic setting.

We've taken pictures of the girls on bridges all over the world, so naturally I wanted a shot on this one (at the restaurant), too.

At one point we got just a teeny bit lost, and ended up driving through the middle of a very crowded market. It was fun to see the stalls up close and personal, with our car nudging the people out of the way ahead of us. No one seemd to mind or think it was at all unusual that they had to fight for space with this giant SUV. We passed two stalls where they were selling nothing but live chickens. Brenna, ever the animal-lover said "I don't think they like that." Then we passed a third stall where they were selling nothing but dead chickens, displayed hung by their feet with all feathers intact. Brenna was now wailing "THEY DON'T LIKE THAT." It was bad enough that they were being held captive, but the fact that they would be held against their will when NEXT DOOR their dead friends were being displayed was just too much for her tender heart. Here's a picture of a woman with a box of chickens on her head. (You have to click it to make it big to see the chickens.)

Later we went to Brenna's favorite "hang-out spot" and had lattes. They draw pictures, like this flower, with the foam.

Cafe Ole

2008-12-28T08:10:00.000-08:00

Brenna and Molly

This is Brenna's neighborhood. It is incredibly nice, and so is her huge house. One team family member is irritated that the girls are paying $400 less for this large home with an exquisite view than she is paying for her small apartment.

The beach at Casa de Frida (This is not a great picture. It's much prettier and exotic-feeling than this photo shows.)

Today we had quite the experience getting a rental car. Brenna had planned and researched and made arrangements, but even her expertise is thwarted sometimes here. You have to be flexible in Latin America. There is a shortage of cars this week and one car was not returned. The one we were to have. "Wouldn't you like this nice pick-up truck instead?" Um. No. So Jim and I Skyped and called and found the last 6 passenger car in the country. The people at the rental agency were so kind and nice. They picked us up at our hotel, took us to their business site, and led the way back to our hotel in another car so that we wouldn't get lost. (And we SO would have!!) Streets don't really have names on them here. Instead the locals say, for example: "Do you know the street that goes to Santa Tecla? Yeah, well, you take that and turn at the tire shop." I love being in situations where I have to use my Spanish, and I love being in really small out-of-the way, villages where tourists never go. Speaking another language is like magic. You make strange sounds, and magically (if you do it right) the other person understands you. It's so fun. So getting the rental car was right up my alley.

Then we took our 1992 four-wheel drive Montero to a coffee plantation on the volcanoe. There was a beautiful view and great food, and we just sat and talked and enjoyed the scenery. Sigh. I'm so happy here. (You can click on the images to make them big.)

Molly and Kelly at the Coffee Plantation

Jim, Molly, Matt, Brenna, and Kelly

He Restoreth My Soul

2008-12-27T16:24:00.000-08:00

Today I read in a hammock by a black sandy beach as I listened to the waves. All day. I finished my book.

If I Could Save Time in a Bottle

2008-12-26T19:44:00.000-08:00

I had the most delicious fajitas of my life at this cute restaurant. The handmade tortillas were just the BEST.

It's great to see Matt and Brenna back together.

We've been able to relax a lot. These hammocks are on Brenna's terrace.

Look how happy Kelly is here!

Usually when I take a trip I've researched the history of the country and planned out all the things I have to see. On this trip, I'm just happy to be here at all, and I'm loving the plans Brenna has made. There's been plenty of time to relax, read, nap, eat, and have casual conversation. I do whatever Brenna tells me, and it's worked out great. Today we went to two museums and out to lunch. The Marte (Museum of Modern Art) had a great Miro exhibit. The anthropological museum gave me a good overview of the history of this country.

Every day a couple more families arrive. I was fine on the names until today. There are now about 33 of us here. We need name tags that say "I'm Jeff's Mom." It's like a family reunion.(The difference is that instead of explaining how you tie back to the oldest person in the family, you are connected to the youngest. I'm "Brenna's mom", not "Susan's Granddaughter.") Although I've only met these parents this week, I feel I have so much in common with them because our children are here together. All the kids attended Cal Poly, too, so we've been on similar journeys.They all miss their kids who are so far away. They are all proud of the things their children are accomplishing and how they have hearts to serve the world. Tonight we all had dessert at Layo and Luchi's, who have been parents to our children here. They graciously accomodated all 33 of us at their house, and gave us gifts and talked about our amazing children. It was a special evening.

Se Habla Espanol

2008-12-25T16:02:00.000-08:00

I spoke to Kelly only in Spanish for the first year of her life. When she learned to speak, she spoke only in English. It was so discouraging to me because it was important to me that my children be bilingual. So it's fun for me here in El Salvador to hear the three of them speaking Spanish. Kelly's has a Castilian accent from her year in Spain. Molly learned a lot in Honduras. Now Brenna's Spanish has a completely different accent, and it warms my heart that she speaks it very well. I like being someplace where I can use my Spanish, too. It makes people (like the hotel reception or the taxi driver), happy when they think they're going to have to struggle to communicate, and then I talk to them in their language. Very fun.

Feliz Navidad

2008-12-25T10:15:00.001-08:00

Christmas morning at Brenna's. Simple presents like Trader Joe's trail mix and Mother's striped shortbread cookies were the big hits.

The view from Brenna's house.

Today is the kind of Christmas I LOVE...Being somewhere different, surrounded by my family, with the emphasis on Jesus, and not on the presents. Brenna and I (with help from others) made breakfast for her team (ten people), our family (+five), Jenna's family (+three) and Marijke's family (+four) for a total of 22. I love the noise, the confusion, the hubub. Having the house full and people eating is the best! We made cinnamon rolls from scratch, muffins, fruit salad, eggs and bacon. Yum! Brenna opened her Christmas stocking. (The other girls had theirs at home before we left.) We sat around eating and laughing. Many of the girls Skyped home. Lauren, whose family isn't coming opened her present in front of her computer so her family back home could watch. There's something surreal about getting a digital picture frame filled with family pictures and showing it to your computer when a cool pic comes up. "Oh, this one's great Mom. Remember when..." The technology really helps keep you in touch, but also pulls at your heart because you can actually see what's going on at home that you are missing.

There is no middle class here. There are wealthy gated neighborhoods, and poor slums. The shopping malls are huge, and fillled with high-end stores. Brenna's neighborhood is guarded by two men with huge rifles. In a way it makes me feel safe. On the other hand, it scares me that she lives in a country where she needs this protection. When I asked Brenna how the guards would know it was OK to let me in today, she said "They'll know. You're white." Oh.

We had lunch at this shopping mall yesterday. We actually ran into Salvadorian friends of the team's. She's made friends. Cool!

I didn't realize how little freedom Brenna has. She didn't know that there was a grocery store down the street from her house, because she never walks the neighborhood outside her gates. The girls aren't allowed to go out alone. Instead, the boys have to drive them everywhere. They ran out of flour today making the cinnamon rolls and Brenna couldn't just go to the store. The boys are such servants. They know the girls are completely dependant on them, and the lack of freedom chafes, so they always try to cheerfully get the girls wherever they need to go. It's inconvenient for both sides, but there is no complaining. Today when we made breakfast, all the boys pitched in cutting fruit, frying bacon, taking out the trash, and doing dishes. There are no slackers in this group. The girls reacted to the boys' present to them as if they had been given expensive jewelry: "Golden berry blend from Trader Joe's! Trek Mix! Granola!" The boys had sacrificed part of a cherished care package some friends had sent them. The ultimate gift.

Greetings from El Salvador

2008-12-24T10:37:00.000-08:00

Sitting in Starbucks at LAX last night, surrounded by most of my family, I couldn't believe my good fortune: that I was actually going to get to go to El Salvador to see Brenna. It's like Christmas already for me! My life has been torture for me navigating the medical world, enduring hour after hour in the ER, being punished with a broken furnace (which means a cold house, AND having to research and pay for something that doesn't even make home better--it only gets me back even.), and various other slings and arrows, like a stressful deposition. When I got on the plane at 11:30pm for the five-hour flight, I knew I was actually going to get to see Brenna and have my family back together again. Halleluah!

She was happy to see us, and had freshly-baked scones and tea waitning at her house. Other families are coming, too, and we were on the plane with Marijke's family. It's fun seeing her beautiful home and neighborhood and getting to meet her team mates whom I've heard so much about. I had to chuckle at the neatly printed schedule on her white board delineating the events of the day: 5:15 drive to airport, etc.)...Naturally it would be in HER handwriting. She's the baker and planner of the team. It was like Christmas for her already when she opened the suitcase full of items we brought at her request: a five-poound bag of chocolate chips, Trader Joe's trail mix, Costco yeast, and moleskin journals from Barnes and Noble. Our hotel, which is walking distance to Brenna's house, is darling. It has a Salvadorian feel and is only one year old. I can feel the stress melting away.

On another note...Yesterday I found out that they caught the man who stole my mom's wedding ring just before she died. Mom and Dad had commissioned the ring to be made in Hawaii, and it was incredibly sentimental to me and impossibly irreplaceable. The thief has confessed, and only has this one case against him. I'm hoping against hope that he can give us information about where he sold the ring that would enable us to track it down. The police have been helpful and kind in this matter.

People have a hard time remembering where she is. One pastor prayed for her in front of church "Please bless Brenna in Costa Rica." Another person told us to have a great time in Equador. When we landed I got a text from Verizon "Welcome to Guatamala." Friends ask frequently "How's Brenna doing in Honduras?" When you haven't been to Central America (and perhaps even if you have) the countries seem the same. But it's easy to remember when you know El Salvador means the Savior. He's the reason for the season, and I feel it's very appropriate to be celebrating his birth in a country named for him.

On the Road Again

2008-12-23T11:37:00.000-08:00

My dad's life has always revolved around cars and driving. When I was growing up, he restored antique automobiles. He bought a new car almost every year. When Mom died, he took a road trip of 6000 miles around the USA. So, it was great fun to take him on a road trip yesterday as we met his sister in Paso Robles, half way to her house in San Francisco. He will stay with her for a week while we go to El Salvador. He was happy, and felt well. My aunt is a giving, caring person like Dad, and I think she's amazing to take on the extra work of caring for Dad. They have an amazing sibling relationship. They just adore each other. It's rare and beautiful to see.

Before we left the girls gave him Christmas presents. He wasn't expecting it, and was emotional. He loves his granddaughters, and the fact that they don't have many Christmases left together made it a poignant moment. He told me later he felt like he had nothing to give them. But he's given them so much already.

This is Why I Haven't Posted

2008-12-21T17:20:00.000-08:00

Since the Gingerbread party, I taught school, decided to have my dad move in with me permanently, met with a realtor, starting cleaning out Dad's house, had the locks changed, found he had a leak in the roof, hired a roofer, went to the cardiologist, taught school, discovered the furnace had broken and was spewing gas into the cabinet, met with furnace salespeople, came home one afternoon dead tired rejoicing that nothing was on the docket, found my dad very ill that same day, called 911, spent until 1 am in the ER, met with the cardiologist again, attended a very fun work party, and cried a million tears.

The last visit to the ER, I drove Dad to his house and called 911 from there, since when the ambulance comes to my house we go to CMH hospital and from Dad's house it's to SJRMC hospital, where his ten doctors are. The ambulance drivers knew us because this is our fifth 911 call in two months. They said "Boy, it's really cold in here. Why don't you turn on the heat?" So next time I should drive him to his house, heat up the whole house, THEN call 911?! Then I wouldn't look like a bad daughter who can't even give her poor father a warm place to recuperate. As it turns out SJRMC was full and we ended up at CMH anyway. Sigh. Let me just hit my head against this wall for awhile. They were kind and knowledgeable there, but there really is no solution to Dad's issues. He is on medications for both his heart and his kidneys. When you adjust the heart medications, the kidneys fail. When you adjust the kidney meds, the heart goes into atrial fibulation. It's a fine line. Dad is insistent on going to San Francisco tomorrow to spend Christmas with his sister, while I head to El Salvador to be with Brenna. I have mixed feelings about going. If he dies while I am gone, will I be able to live with that? If I stay and he's fine, will I be able to live with that? I have to sort of go with what HE wants. He'll be in the best hands at my aunt's house, and my cousin is a registered nurse. I'm torn up inside.

Molly and Kelly are home, and that makes me happy. I'm really proud of my three daughters. Jim's home, too, and I love him and am thankful I have such a great husband/partner/friend.

A Sweet Story

2008-12-14T12:16:00.000-08:00

See? I'm not unhappy ALL the time. I'm even smiling in this picture. We had fun with good friends at a gingerbread house-making party. Never mind that my heart was a little sad to be doing this event without the girls. It's something we've done as a family since they were little.

But we did have fun seeing RA make one for the first time in his life. Since Turkey is a Muslim country, there are few Christmas traditions there. As pastor of a Turkish church he gets to establish new traditions.

His pretty wife also had fun.

He needs the Spirit, not the spirits

2008-12-14T11:59:00.000-08:00

My brother, who lives in Palmdale, came to my Dad's house and didn't call Dad to let him know he was there, or come to visit Dad at my house. Jim and Dad went to pick up some things from the house, and found my brother very drunk. He had been staying there awhile. Dad was upset. I was upset for Dad. Neither of us need this on top of all we are dealing with. Life is hard enough without that. I pray that my brother will get the help he needs, and will be whole and healed and start making good choices for his life.

I Get by with a Little Help from my Friends

2008-12-13T11:14:00.000-08:00

The weird thing about going through a tough time is that there are all these wonderful, kind, heart-warming things that happen, and they ease the pain, but don't erase it. If people were this kind to me when nothing was wrong, I would feel guilty and not enjoy them then, either, but I wish that I could experience the joy without the overlaying of sadness. And the kindnesses come from all kinds of places. Everyone seems to want to help. For instance, I have a good friend who moved away when our kids were little. We will be friends forever and can pick it right back up even after not seeing each other for awhile. She became a librarian after she moved. Now, it's hard to picture her as a librarian, because although she's fabulous at her job, she doesn't strike me as one of those "rules-follower" type. And maybe that's why she's good at what she does. I called her to ask if she thought I was being unreasonable to call the librarian in my city and ask them to pick some books out for my dad. I had time to run in and pick up books, but not really time to browse. I had a list of authors. She assured me it was fine. So I called our library, which is open about four hours a day. Sigh. The librarian was much snarkier than my friend and in a chilly voice said "OK." I was as if she MIGHT have a few minutes that she could lower herself to do that. "What's your library card number?" Oh, shoot. My library card is in the Honda, which was stolen in another city. "I don't really have one with me." She reacted as if I had just left my most valuable possession in the hands of drug dealers. "Well, I'll have to break the rules. I'll set these aside with my number and you can bring your card when you pick them up." I didn't have the heart to tell her I wouldn't be getting a card any time soon. Fortunately, my friend from Turkey was at the gym right down the street, and SHE HAS A CARD!! So she picks up the books, and gets ten books for my dad. Seven of which he hadn't read. There are all kinds of things that are beyond my control, but because I have friends sprinkled through my life to rescue me and encourage me, I think I'm going to make it through. My friend KW gives me hugs and listens to me. My friend KA leaves me puns, candy, sweet notes, little cards and books on my desk. My friend RP has wise words and has been through it so much that she knows and really understands what I'm going through. Having Jim home is good.

I'm under More Stress than the San Andreas Fault

2008-12-12T16:22:00.003-08:00

As if what I'm already going through isn't enough today I went through an EXTREMELY stressful deposition about a past student. Said student was involved in a car accident while she was in my class. The lawyer representing me wanted me to answer the questions as briefly as possible so as to not reveal something they wouldn't have found on their own. Nothing I could say would help my student...it could only hurt her. That was stressful. Additionally I had to remember to wait until she had asked all parts of the question before answering. Sometimes the questions had ten kazillion parts and pauses after a part, so you naturally want to say "No." but then she says the last part "In your wildest dreams, did you think this might be true or could be true if someone gave the student chocolate and dressed in a magician costume." "No." "I'm not done with the question yet...Or held her at gunpoint hypothetically or..." What was the first part again??? Then I would try to answer short, but some of the questions, like "Can you tell me how your school differs from a normal school?" are just insulting. "I consider my school normal." It is perahps untraditional, but is it "normal" for kids to be in a factory setting with 2200 other students, proceding from class to class where the teacher doesn't even know half the names, and makes few allowances for differences? Stressful. Then I came home and dealt with Dad's banking. When he had his first heart attack I paid the bills. With his checkbook. Turns out there are two checkbooks for two accounts and I used the account with no money. And I didn't write down where the checks were to because I have carbon checks and just forgot that not everyone else does. So the check to pay the line of credit bounced. But I didn't know this, and wrote a check out of it for Decemeber bills. They suspended the line of credit and all the December checks bounced. Sigh. It's a big mess. Once the train was derailed, it kept running. Meanwhile, Dad's had an account in a small town near us, but the bank was a big bank. The branch in the small town was sold off. It's currently a two branch bank. Now, we have to drive half an hour to deposit checks or do banking instead of having 50 branches in town. And we can't access the account via the web, either. Unless it's during the hours of 8 and 3. We need to change the account back to a bigger bank, but Dad's not well enough to go into a bank and do that yet. AAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!! Stress. I have another stressful situation related to a committe I'm on, that I can't share anything going on because it's all confidential. The fact that I have something stressful and can't share it makes it even more stressful. I'm like one big ball of stress.

Today was a Good Day

2008-12-11T21:14:00.000-08:00

It didn't start out to be a good day. At 1pm after I was done with students, I dissolved in tears at my desk. Jim came by school to deliver a latte and a card, and when he walked in, naturally I cried harder. He had come at just the right time to listen to me. I am surrounded by dear, caring friends, and a loving husband. Soon after that I drove home, and in my driveway was my Turkish friend, sweeping. He had cleaned out our whole garage! I had never seen our things organized so neatly and the floor was clean enough to perform surgery on! Inside, the floors were vacuumed and mopped, and the counters cleared. Sigh. Yesterday, his wife had done my Christmas shopping for me. I had given her ideas, and she came home with beautiful, wonderful presents! It was like Christmas for me to get to see all the special surprises! She did such a beautiful job. Far better than this is having these friends around all the time. Their company has added so much to our lives.

The other thing that has taken some stress off is that I've figured out the medical system more. I still can't ask Dr. Cardiologist questions, but he has an amazing Nurse Practitioner who knows my dad intimately and will answer all my questions knowledgeably. I don't have Dr. Cardiologist's ear, but N.P. Paul does, and that's OK. I don't feel as responsible for the overall care because Paul oversees everything, and nothing slips by him. Paul is the "touchy-feely" side of that practice, and he put his arm around my shoulder and said "And we're going to get your life back to normal, too." Additionally our visiting nurse is my friend, Jane, who cares for Dad with love and a sweet disposition. And Dad also has a good Physical Therapist who comes to the house. We're both in really good hands.

I had no doctor appointments today, so I was able to go home after school and rest. I feel like a new person.

The Amazing Race

2008-12-09T20:27:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm running a triathalon every day. I get up at 5, do some stuff (like banking or paperwork or cleaning). Then I teach school all day. Then I take Dad to a Dr. appointment, make dinner, clean up dinner, make sure Dad's taken his pills, change the meds in the pill boxes for the 2000th time (b/c every time we go to the doctor it all changes), make phone calls, and fall into bed. I am so tired, but I do remember that I sound happier during the day. It's not all bad. I just can't remember the good things past 7 at night. Isn't that what happens to athletes when they are competing?